Vanishing Into...

I'm actually having a really wonderful and reenergized take on my life right now. I've been reading back through some of my older blog entries and I see the pattern I always go through so I'm feeling a little more at peace with everything. After my weigh-in my weight poofed up to 212.2 yesterday. Today I'm back down to 210. I have 11 pounds to lose by this time next month and as a decision to ensure I reach that goal I'm going E2L 100% right along with Bethan!

Lunch today: Brussels sprouts, sprouts, onion, swiss chard, etc

It's hard to lose weight when you're outside of your regular environment, but whilst talking to my husband I said something rather obvious to most but it was nice to finally 'realize' it and believe it. I had said that, "other people helped me make the decision [healthy choices] but in the end it was me who stuck to it" and while I appreciate everything that other people have done for me, in the end it was me making the magic happen. It's illuminating for me to have finally realized this! I think this one litlte nugget is all I have to write about in this blog entry because it's such a huge thing to realize "I'm doing this with help, but in the end it's me being the driving force. I'm doing this with help, but for myself."..

Action Oriented Goal: Walk at least 30 minutes per day. Inverted sit ups x100. Push ups 20.

Passive Oriented Goal: Eat to Live 100%

End goal: (July 8) Get a successful weigh in of any number under 199lbs, maximum 202.6lbs.

Simply amazing day today <3

For the Love of a Friend

I had a brilliant day today outside in the bright sunshiney sunshine! I spent the day with Bethan, Luke and the kids. Dropped Elysia off at camp for the week and then Blake, Bethan, Luke and I went to Dollar Lake! I wanted to get some serious laps in but it was simply too chilly to be tolerated..I thought my misc body bits would freeze off.

The day before last the kids and I did downtown Halifax. One of the physical highlights of the day was climbing up the extreme hill of Citadel Hill (at least 45 degree upward incline for half of it, maybe 30 for the other half) whilst pushing Blake in the stroller. I've been trying hard to get out and do more. I really, really and truly want to see 199 on the scale this time next month!

Having Bethamo in my corner and helping me get re-energized and re-excited about Eat to Live and all that it has done for me has been amazing. Tonight I passed over on Fish and Chips (with poutine instead of chips) because I knew it's better to start today and why should I be eating all kinds of fun rubbishy food when she really needs the support? I know her husband isn't joining her on E2L for the first 6 weeks, while I had the benefit of my husband giving it a go. That support (just doing it with me) was critical for me because I didn't have anyone to ask questions to. My husband and I kind of figured it out together. At the end of the first 6 weeks he was done with it, but I had learned enough to carry on. So even though her husband isn't doing it with her, I endeavour to become a second-best stand-in E2L husband! XD 

Tonight's supper was a tribute to a veggie garden. Mushrooms in three varities, sprouts, red onion, black olives, hot house tomatoes, tofu, baby corns, green beans, peas, all the good stuff! It made me feel good to eat it, even though I put a bit of watered down BBQ sauce on it...tut tut, bad I know. But this is my last hurrah before I'm 100% back on track tomorrow so it is forgiveable.

I've issued a DAILY BLOG UP! challenge to Bethan. Each day for a week we shall write a blog entry. Each day we shall do a workout routine as well. My goal is 30 minutes of activity per day, at least. Not just activity, but concerted 'doing this to not be fat' activity. Climbing hills, lifting weights, doing sit ups, running and then hopefully walking a few miles over the course of the day.

My life is exciting again. Losing weight hasn't felt this SQUEE! in a long time!

Eggs out

xx

Chasing Down the Bandwagon

Gluten & cheese free pizza with tomato/mushroom/spinach

I've been spending a lot of time with Bethan lately. You might remember her from my very first blog post ever: "Every day is the first day of your very own adventure - if you want it to be" as she's one of the people I attribute a good deal of how successful I've been to. through her own blogging efforts she helped me realize that being fat and fabulous weren't mutually exclusive like I had thought they were for years and years. One of my most favourite things to do now that I'm in Halifax (where Bethan lives) is thrift shopping (as a side note it is AMAZING to walk into any non-plus size only store out there and know I can find something that will actually fit me) because it's been great to spend time with her and shopping is a guilty pleasure of mine.



Me and Beffa!

Well, today I got the GREATEST EVER NEWS that Bethamo will be joining me on E2L! Today and yesterday I've been kind of eating whatever I wanted to as a little reward for having been so good for so long. I'm really quite happy and know she'll be on the healthy track for 6 weeks while she figures things out. It's wonderful news!

I'm happy to have a buddy on the journey. It takes a lot of strength and dedicated to stick on the road to health..I wonder if she'll stay long? I guess only time will tell ^^

Eggs Out

xx

Mystical Magical July Madness Mayhem Weigh-In

I've trimmed out in my bottom half!

I give room for error in my self measurements for this month's weigh-in. Not only did I have to tape myself, but I also had to rely on a new scale that isn't my usual as well. Since I'm in Canada and since Curves is no longer in the picture (never went enough to justify the cost) I guess I need to buy all the implements to monitor my success at home! :) I was seriously worried this month what with all the stress and the fact I'm technically on vacation (even if it is a vacation in pursuit of mental and emotional happiness to compliment my journey of physical achievements!)

Learning healthy habits early!

Since I'm also not on my home computer I'm not able to upload my measurements graph, however I can put it a comparison from this month to last. It's pretty exciting..I seem to have some big losses, an inch or so, but it's all on track with my current weight loss trend so I don't think my particular measurements are too far off.

• Bust June: 44.0", Bust July: 43.0" (1.0" loss)
• Waist June: 34.5", Bust July: 33.5" (1.0" loss)
• Abdomen June: 47.5", Bust July: 44.75" (2.75" loss)
• Hips June: 47.0", Bust July: 44.75" (2.25" loss)
• Thigh June: 28.0", Thigh July: 27.0" (1.0" loss)
• Arm June: 13.5", Arm July: 13.5" (No change)
• BMI June: 37.8, BMI July: 37.0 (0.8 loss)
• BP/Body Fat %: No Data (Unable to record)
• TOTAL POUNDS LOST: 4.2lbs  TOTAL INCHES LOST: 8.0"

Beach Mugshot! Taken by Beffa

 I didn't quite make the goal of 208.0, even though I had been that on the scale. I guess weight fluctuations are perfectly normal though, and it's only one pound. I'm sure all the diet soda yesterday didn't help my weight loss cause. Still hoping for a 199 this time next month..which means I need to redouble my efforts and really get myself back on track.

Going to attempt to find a weekly group that meets for some kind of physical activity. Bellydance is #1 choice right now, but failing finding a reliable group I'll just join a gym for a month rather than paying a contract. This all requires ample help from friends and family to babysit the kids though...being healthy isn't always the cheapest or easiest thing in the world, but using those as excuses will only doom one to failure from the beginning.

Back to the grindstone!
Eggs out xx

It's been a while..

FIGURING THINGS OUT

I made a few goals in my last blog post that I haven't been able to meet because my trip to Canada got moved up by almost a month. I was exceedingly worried coming here, especially with my decision-making skills being so compromised. Stress eating started to take over, and even though I was stress eating the heck out of fruit and veggies I knew it'd only be a matter of time until I turned to stress eating the foods that gave a bigger emotional payoff.

Stress is something that always has done me in in the past. Being hit with toxic elements in my life (decisions, choices, health impacts), and the lack of ability to know how to remove it (or lack of willingness) had started me on a downward spiral. I wonder how much of that was mental because it is strange how coincidental the stress/Canada happened. Was I looking for a reason? An excuse to do poorly? I saw some pictures of myself and realized I'm so close. I weighed in at 208.0 this morning with two days until my official weigh in. I expect to see some gained inches from lack of running/weight equipment (and two hindrances to working out) but am hoping it is nothing too serious.

I know I've worked hard. Very hard. I know I need to keep going. I've lost a total of 123.0 pounds, and only have another 73 pounds to go. In the scheme of things that is nothing if I can get myself back to where I need to be. I've gone out every single day with the children for walks, swimming, exploring the city or farms or museums. Lots of fresh air, sunshine (with sunscreen and a hat - go me!) and have been recently making the best decisions available to me rather than the easiest decisions that were also the tastiest. Fish and chips, chips, chocolate bars, poutine, pizza, fries. No bueno!

Back on track. Keep going, Self. Keep going. Can't stop this close to the end game, it'd be such a shame on my name to have started such a great adventure and pooped out only halfway there. On Facebook I made the following post: "Has ideas and goals for things she wants to accomplish. First up is a weight goal, an emotional goal, a spiritual goal and a creative goal. Now to figure out exactly what they are! ^^", so let's discuss those goals here!

1. Weight Goal (short-term): I want to be 208.0 at most on 7/8/2011. I can't predict how my exercise will have affect my taping so I don't have any goals there. I'll just play it by ear and see where I am rather than setting up anything too unrealistic. For 8/8/2011's official weigh in I'd like to be 199 pounds - or if failing that, at least have seen 199.0 on the scale, even if I can't get that on the scale for weigh in day.

2. Emotional Goal: Believe I'm worth it. Do something with other people as a reward for my hard work rather than constantly berating myself for 'what more' I could have, or should have, done. Believe in me. I'm currently planning a Girl's Day Out with some friends for a manicure and a meal, so I think that would fit the bill nicely. 

3. Spiritual Goal: By this time next month I'd like to pick one thing that would fulfill me spiritually. One action, one choice, one decision. Joining a group for fellowship, engaging in a formal class, getting Reiki 1 certified? I need to really think this out and think my loving husband might be able to help me on this one. I want to get a tattoo of ॐ (OM/AUM) on my inner wrist. I'm iffy on whether I want the left or the right, but I'm sure that will be a last minute decision. I'm leaning toward left. I want something to be able to look at forever and have that as a symbol of centering and peace.

4. Creative Goal: Paint something. Even if it's a stint to the Clay Cafe to paint a mug. I want to put my hand into the creation of something that I can be proud of. I tried before leaving for Canada by picking up my old charcoal but I'm so heinously out of practice it looked kind of ...not good. but it was fun to do and very good for my headspace :)

Well..I guess that's all for now, at least for two days until official weigh-in day! Eep! ...hopefully my efforts will have paid off :)

Corsets and Caring

I've been eating poorly for almost two weeks, and have not done a lick of exercise. I have been eating sweets and candy and dairy (ugh, sick, but so tasty!) and just a lot of bad habits. It's too dang easy to fall back into old habits!

I think the worst thing of all is that I'm not beating myself up over it. It's like I almost don't care. I wonder if I'm not getting a touch depressed or overwhelmed with life and am therefore reverting to old habits in order to soothe myself. I say all this and yet I still somehow can't manage to bring myself to really want to inspire myself to change. It's been a year, almost to the day, and I think subconsciously I'm using my emotions as a crutch, to say I'm feeling deprived (when I'm clearly not). I just need to suck it up and get back on track, phew.

I finally got my new corset today. Almost 10 months ago a bought a corset. It laced closed to 38". Eventually I had to sell it, but then today my NEW corset came in. It laces closed to 28 inches! So VERY exciting! It inspires me to keep going, but I don't see the 'smokin' hot' compliments as being deserved. I look at myself and I see nothing but chub..today is a very, very hard day for me emotionally.

Time to take stock, breathe deep, and get the hell over it! Starting tomorrow (June 17) until July 1 I'm going to set myself some goals. I must, in those 15 days, do arm exercises at least 6 times. Run on the elliptical at least 10 times. Do sit ups at least 8 times. Do weight lifting at least 8 times. I must also follow Eat to Live completely at least 12 of those days. I am accountable to myself here...if I don't do it I don't get to drink on July 2nd party! Time to earn my liquor! LOL How's THAT for inspiration?

Eggs out.
xx

Beautiful Hello

VARF June 2010 - 306 lbs

"...So start recalibrating your brain about your weight by really noticing how you feel about where you are now and where you want to be. Mentally try to let go of unrealistic expectations without letting yourself go. And don't just talk the talk, jog the jog." - Huffington Post - Breaking Plateau.

Halloween October 2010 - 287 lbs

I read this article today and found the comment that summed up Ms. Love's article to be awesome enough that it was worth sharing! We ended up eating out last night, I stayed away from gluten but I did eat me a little bit of seafood. I was actually really pleased with the food I got since when we go to the chinese place (yumyum!) I tend to way overdo it and end up making myself feel really icky.

Wedding  Nov 2010 271 lbs

I'm still reeling from the fact I'm only 14.2 pounds away from being in the 100's. If I lose 6.6lbs per month, for the rest of the months until November I'll hit my 180 goal at the same time as my birthday. I'm really thinking that this is a healthy and reasonable goal to set for myself, and so? NEW GOAL: 180lbs by my 27th birthday.

Burns Night Jan 2010 - 254.4 lbs

I was a bit iffy about my body yesterday. I took a picture, as is my wont, and was a bit unhappy with how everything looked. Today I was looking outside and had a "coming to God" moment of realization: My body used to be 331 lbs - possibly more! I am damned lucky that my skin and body look as good as they do without fussing about which bits are saggier or droopier than I might prefer them to be. Yeesh, what an easy negative spiral of thought to get trapped into. No I'll never be a supermodel with perfect skin, but I've come so far..why not love me for me. And if anyone has a problem with my "less than ideal" body parts they clearly aren't for me - right? :D

Bahamas Cruise Feb 2011 - 244 lbs

Awesome day of self-reflection. Awesome day full of love and affection. Awesome day is AWESOME.

Eggs out xx