The Uphill Climb...

Sitting pretty in the Country Club

On Saturday I attended a lovely function at a Country Club to celebrate Burns Night (Mmm husband in a kilt *drool drool*<3). The spread they had there had all the Scottishy fixin's you could imagine, and was (as I looked at the buffet) one of those situations that made the vegetarian in me cringe with fear and the dieter whimper with a lack of willpower.

The first section was salad, the second had buttered green beans, cranberry turnip, roast beef, haggis and then these delicious little butter rolls. BUTTER ROLLS, PEOPLE. Ugh. Willpower was tested, and willpower failed the dodge roll. In the end, the service staff at the Country Club brought me a vegetarian alternative (a yummy pasta cooked with a marinara sauce with mixed in squash, carrot and onion) that I took part of happily, and mixed in to it my rather large salad of field greens and two yummy butter rolls. Yes. Two(2)! Yum. And to finish it off? A piece of angel food cake with strawberry preserves (although I did pick off the whipped cream, in my defense).

My hubby and his patented "cheesy grin"

I did a bad thing though - I didn't eat for the entire day in anticipation of the fact I'd be eating poorly in the evening. It's not something advisable, it's not something good and it isn't something healthy. I don't advise it..

Sometimes we just have one of 'those days'. The days where nothing is quite right, and what you crave to eat are things that aren't good for your body and health. This entire past weekend was essentially a write off for me, as far as my weight loss efforts go. On Sunday morning the naughtyness simply compounded. I ate a single slice of cheese pizza. Hmm...not a good start. And then I went out to meet a friend for coffee at Starbucks and ate a protein pack lunch (single boiled egg, raisin scone, grapes and two apples slices). And then I ordered a caramel machiatto with soymilk and sugar free syrup. I then had a vegetarian sub sandwich (no cheese, no sauce, on whole grain bread), a diet soda, a few boingy/curly fries from Arby's (fat, fatty, fat, death, salt, processed, fat) and three onion rings.

This would make a KILLER fruit hat.

I ended up spending an hour that evening getting sick; my body was in utter rebellion over the 'not quite food' I choose to fill it with. I learned my lesson (again), and we spent Sunday evening at Global Foods which has a huge (and cheap) ethnic/fresh produce selection stocking up for the upcoming weeks.

I'm back on my vegan/gluten free diet. No more nonsense and no more fake/processed foods. I hate when my body starts thinking it would be a good idea to eat naughty foods and then has the audacity to make me ill in response to me eating what it asked me to eat. Naughty body!

Tofu Shiritaki noodles are the new 'in' thing for me!

Today for lunch I ate a delicious 'pasta' dish (above) made from a package of Tofu Shiritaki noodles, and panfried (in a nonstick pan) assorted veggies: A cup and a half of bean sprouts, green pepper, red onion, button mushrooms, garlic powder, cayenne powder and baby bok choy.

I can't dip my feet in the waters of food that is not diet-friendly. I can't, because if I do I suddenly find myself drowning. Food addictions are just as hard to overcome as drug/alcohol addictions...and so much more readily available. Without support this would be impossible...even with support it feels like an uphill climb.


Eggs out.

The hills and valleys are what make the journey...or so I keep telling myself.

Today was 'one of those days' I can only look back on as a throw-away day. The kinds of days where I just say 'screw it' and make the worst possible decisions for my health, my body and my general well-being as possible. I look back and wonder why I do it.

Scale: Friend, Enemy or Frenemy?

"While weight-loss isn’t my goal, it is a focus. My main goal is to stop craving the old bad foods. Anywhere you look the biggest reason people fail is because they go back to the pizza’s, the takeaways. I only have one craving; a healthier, longer, happier life. This is my new diet."

A friend of mine has been doing amazing well with his goals for weight loss and overall health. I've been keeping up with him via his blog, and found the above excerpt to be especially poignant! It's so wonderful. Everywhere I look people are doing what they can to become happier and healthier! Kudos to you, friend, for your awesome efforts! I can't wait to see the posts where you give your readers a before and after with your new found physical capabilities, weight loss, et al! *Cheerleads!*

"Jenny Craig" Pose. Pants are a size 18!

In other (heavier) news, I was speaking with another friend about the bathroom scale, and it struck me as so interesting how differently two people can perceive the exact same thing. To her, the bathroom scale is a bad thing because people may tie their self-worth to the number that appears on the scale. To me, the bathroom scale is a good thing because I tie my self worth to the number that appears on the scale. It sounds wrong and convoluted, I know! We're always told that we ought to never assign feelings of self-worth and accomplishment to the scale, and yet we do.

In my own personal experience being accountable to the scale is like being accountable to a Weight Watchers meeting group, to a trainer at the gym, or a doctor...only it is to an even greater degree because I'm the only one that sees the number on the scale and I'm the only one that can keep myself motivated and keep myself going. Seeing that number every single day helps keep me on track. I'm able to look back and analyze my day and the foods I ate and see where there is room for improvement. Do I need to eat less one one kind of food, or do I need to eat more overall? The scale helps me answer these questions. Some people find their inspiration from outside sources, and I find mine from a scale. That's not too weird, is it? The scale this morning said 247.5lbs. That's down 83.5lbs overall, and that is an AWESOME way for me to find the inspiration to keep going!

Eggs out!

Losing weight and maintaining health

I try to remember to take my multi-vitamins, I try to drink my daily recommended amount of liquid/water, I try to eat all the things I know I should be eating but sometimes it's hard to remember the vitamins and the water. It's hard to think back on everything I ate, and remember if I got enough of my colourful veggies. Being on a special diet should actually be giving me more iron/protein/nutrition than just eating whatever I felt like eating before. In practice though, how can you really tell? I can't go based on how I feel because:

I've been trying to keep a house, keep up with my kids, make plans for an amazing renewal of the vows wedding ceremony, and more...all while also trying to lose weight. As many people know STRESS is definitely 'up there' on the culprit list of primary weight gain causes. I need to focus more intently on my health though, and stop forgetting the very important parts of what is going to keep my body up and running! How can you gauge how healthy you are, when you are stressed? Seems impossible to me.


Time to make a calendar, and give myself a shiny gold star for every day I drink my water and take my multi-vitamin. Short term goals, and hopefully long-term successes! Let's see if I can put away the correct amount of fluid and take a multi-vitamin at least once a day, every day, for the next seven days.

Go!

Eggs out.

Imagine my surprise!

I remember asking other people, "What is your secret?!" trying so hard to understand why despite my best wishing and praying that they weight wouldn't fall off....and now other people are asking me the same question. I know now that the answer was junk food and being constantly sedentary, however hindsight is always 20/20 as they say. Well, this past month I dropped another 13.2 lbs, and lost 7.5" overall! (All of the inches were lost in my abdomen, waist and hips as I've been belly-dancing around the house. Belly-dancing is not for the weak of abs, that is for sure as I've lost 3.5" in my abdomen alone!)

It hasn't always been easy, and there have been major slip ups along the way. I've fallen off of the bandwagon, rolled into the gutter, fell down the sewage grate, floated along in the...well, you get the point, right? It's not easy being conscious of what you eat but eventually your choices become habits. Those damaging old habits get replaced with new habits, and sitting down to a giant bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch becomes okay because you don't DO that kind of thing once a day, every day.

I know, all the diet guru's out there are probably dying a little inside. We're not supposed to reward ourselves with food, but if food is something we really love, it seems natural that we might use that to lead ourselves on. I don't like to think of myself as being on a specific diet any longer. I eat what is good, healthy, and 'right' for me to eat. I eat the food that fuels my body, satiates my hunger, and gives me the body that I long for.

I don't eat pizza. I don't eat fried chicken. I don't eat hamburgers and french fries. No chips, no meatballs, no loaded baked potatoes. I don't eat ice cream sundaes. And I have a feeling that it's impossible for me to eat these things and be able to lose weight. I had to give it up, but not everyone is capable of giving up the emotional crutch that they've found inside the double-deep fat fried potato skins, or slice of chocolate cake. It's hard to give those crutches up, but I believe it is impossible to lose weight (and keep it off) if we don't make health-conscious decisions to do what is right for our bodies...always with room for the occasional Cinnamon Toast Crunch though, otherwise life would just be no fun!

There are some people that complain they can't lose weight despite diet and exercise. I can't bring it to myself to point out that although olive oil is probably healthier than, say, lard, that it is STILL oil. And even if you exercise like a mad man/woman on drugs you'll never manage to lose weight if you consume a half bottle of oil per day. It's so hard though to change the way we look at food. Nothing in this society is moderate, nor is it understood that 'healthier' does not mean 'eat at will and to excess'. America needs to step back and take stock of the preservatives, sodium, additives, dyes and chemicals being added to our food...it's disheartening the amount of trash I put into my body for so many years unknowingly all the while thinking I was being 'healthy'. :(

So, all of that food rant to come to my final 'secret'. I eat CONSTANTLY. Whenever I am hungry, day or night, I eat. I don't cut calories, I don't do anything drastic, and I have barely exercised with all the holiday insanity. I feed my body good, honest, food. I limit grains to one cup per day of whole grains only. I don't eat cheese which is mostly all fat and sodium. I don't eat meat because it is, in my opinion, not a healthy thing to eat when I have beans as a perfectly digestible alternative. I eat as many fruits and veggies as I care too, and I don't eat anything containing artificial sweetener, preservatives, or other garbage chemicals.

My choices aren't for everyone though. My choices are for me and me alone...and the choices you make should be the same! Do it for you, whatever 'it' is, and stick to your resolve even if you find yourself floating in the gutter some days. It's a long, hard road..but every road comes to an end sooner or later!

Eggs out. xx

It's funny how confidence just comes bubbling up!

Sooner or later I knew it'd come to this: Lose weight or be content with the weight I'm at forever. Thankfully I made what I feel was the right choice for myself and decided to power through it. Let's face it: Sugar is delicious, and addicting. Sugar was my crutch in times of happiness, times of sadness, and every time in-between. I was a horrible emotional eater, and fighting that base urge is something I have to struggle with every time my emotions climb high or dip low. It's hard, because at that time I wasn't willing to give up my crutch. I wasn't willing to stop putting harmful food into my body. I wasn't willing to really work at losing weight..I wanted to lose weight, but I wanted it to be automatic...to be easy. Well, I learned that it isn't. Putting down the cake and cookies was the first step, and losing that crutch was such a huge sacrifice.

I have a photo on my hard drive, one taken during 4th of July in 2009, and I decided to post it here. It's one I've never really shared with anyone ...partly due to the shame of seeing it in action, and partly due to the fact I've been keeping it as private as possible to help motivate myself to do better in the future. I decided to chronicle it here, however, to remind myself how far I've come and to make this picture something to be proud of.

This journey, my journey, started with a single decision. A single small decision, and now here I am. Looking back almost 75lbs and I can clearly remember how impossible this all seemed.

At this weight (331 lbs) I was miserable, and everything was pretty lousy as far as my self confidence went. I had dealt with horrible mistreatment from the medical community during a recent pregnancy and delivery, based solely on my weight despite the fact I didn't (and still don't) have a single serious medical condition or complication that is weight related.

However, looking back, I can see some of the issues that I did have.I had trouble breathing whilst lying on my back and ankle ache after walking for only a short few hours. And even though I didn't have any physical diseases such as Diabetes, Heart Disease, &etc...I was still suffering from a pretty serious emotional disease in the form of depression, unhappiness, and general lack of self-esteem.

Thankfully I feel much better now. It's amazing what a different 75lbs lost can make! I plan to keep going, keep working, and keep trying my best. When my body decides to plateau and refuses to lose any more weight I plan on stopping...even if the final number is still high. Instead of shutting my body up with sugar I'm going to listen to it and do as it dictates I do. I'm going to trust in my own ability as much as I did when I was making decisions when pregnant. I'm going to treat myself with the respect I deserve and I'm going to be happy and healthy for me!

The most recent accomplishment? Getting rid of almost every single piece of clothing from 'back then'. I've lost so much weight that hoping to fit into any of those old clothes are long gone from my mind. It was hard laying the 'back then' clothes to rest in the donation bag. I'll never see those items again...they were with me through so much and now they are suddenly gone.

I went out to do some retail therapy, and the above olive green dress is one of the results of that therapy. Retail therapy involved buying new cute clothes, with frills and lace. Dresses with fancy crinolines and things sporting actual colour! To those who didn't know me 'back then' the only colour I'd often wear was black. Black everything, because it made me feel safe and hidden even though I was standing out like a sore thumb.

I'm happier now, and I feel great. 73.5lbs lost as of an unofficial weigh-in on the scale this morning. That puts my weight at 257.5. I gave myself (in my last post on December 8, 2010) until mid-February to hit 250-255, and I know now I'm going to make it with hard work, determination, and knowing that I can love and accept myself regardless of the numbers on the scale. I can't wait to see how close my home scale is to the gym scale for my 'official' monthly weigh and measure. I even got so bold as to have some (tasteful!) nude pictures taken of myself so that I can celebrate my body and all of its curves.

Hope you're all loving yourselves and serving yourselves the best you can, even if the number on the scale or the image in the mirror isn't exactly what you'd like to see. Keep working and it will happen...

<3 Eggs out.