I really think that when I hit my goal weight I'm going to want to take nutrition classes, get some kind of certification under my belt, and then think about becoming a physical trainer. Who knows if I'll just be tired of it all when my goal weight rolls around, but I love what I do right now and I have loved it since I started.
I love how my friends drop me an email to let me know how proud of themselves they are with completing a physical activity. I love how people take the time to share the great new changes they've made in their diets. I love that I'm asked for tips and hints on making diet and exercise more efficient. I'm not a professional, and I don't think myself anywhere near one, but I do love sharing everything that I've learned and everything I know that works as it relates to me.
I love the way we can all share our common interests and experiences. It makes me feel so interconnected when people share this with me. It makes me feel as if I'm part of that social group with common likes and interests that I missed out on in high school and of course, college. It took me so long to find the real me, the 'me' that I had buried under pounds of fat and misery.
Well I've found a goodly portion of myself now, and I'm happy to say that she's here to stay.
I'm not sure people realize how hard this entire transformation has been on me emotionally. There is a lot of pressure and expectation I have to live up to every single day. A lot of it is self-imposed, but a lot of it is imposed by others without them even realizing it. So many people think I'll fail or rebound eventually. So many people are un-supportive of my efforts. Some people are condescending of my choices. So many people are offended when I won't bend my stances on things that I have proven work for *me*. I have an obligation, as part of the new me, to be kind and understanding to those people and to continue proving them wrong.
There isn't a choice. I need to continue peak performance. I need to continue showing positive movement. At times I feel like I'm playing a game of 'me against the world'. Perhaps it's part of my competitive nature, and perhaps it is that part of me that will make me finish this whole journey successfully. I don't know what it is, I just know I must succeed and I know that being under the gun every day for a year and a half is exhausting.
I extend amazing amounts of personal strength, physically and emotionally, to keep the wheels of this big machine going. I don't mention this to talk myself 'up' as it were, I simply want to make sure the friends that read this understand. Sometimes I can't understand things, sometimes I'm not on the ball of what is happening, and even though I love my friends I need to carve out a nice big hole in my time to make sure I love me too. I love me by making me healthy and stomping out the negative voices I hear around me every day. Sometimes giving my 100% best to getting healthy, means that I'm not always my 100% best in other areas of my life. I hope you'll all understand and forgive me if I've let you down, knowingly or unknowingly.
I've taken friends to the gym with me, and talked to them on the phone about fitness, exchanged emails and ideas online. I love it...so if anyone wants to continue that open dialogue with me I'm always here for that! It strengthens me and keeps me going. A serious kudos to several friends for being able to keep up with me and/or with their personal goals lately, both at the gym and at home. Your strength is inspiring, as always!
Eggs out
xx
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