I've been struggling with a lot of guilt lately. After getting up early, heading to work (while sick) and coming home after a long day of dealing with other people's problems my husband grabs the kids from my Sister-in-law's house (she babysits), comes home, feeds the kids, does homework/reading with them, bathes them and puts them to bed.
For the first half of the night I'm at work, which is productive. For the second half? I'm spending five times more than I earn (just my income) getting P.T at the gym and pushing myself to the most extreme of my limits. I have so much guilt about taking time away from the family but this is something that I *must* do. Not only must I do it, but it makes me happy. Carving time away from my children, my house, my husband is a dual edged sword and that dual edged sword is full of guilt, sadness, happiness and accomplishment. I know all good things worth having come at a cost.

Robert assures me it's okay I'm doing what I must do. That it's okay I am carving out an hour or two a day for me. It's just such a foreign idea. Being invested in myself, knowing I'm worth enough to take time away from family to improve upon myself. It's just...bah. Must get used to this idea. I'm making positive changes in myself. These are all very good things. Time to breathe deep and just accept it's okay to take time for me. Erk.

The other half of this entry is my weight loss goal in three weeks. I have no idea what to do about that. 180 might be over-reaching. Not because I couldn't make the goal, but because I'm packing on so much muscle and packing in so much protein (to keep feeding those muscles). I might simply just have to be happy with being smaller looking and healthier on my birthday, rather than being a specific goal weight. I still have in the back of the mind that I might be able to hit 180 by my birthday. If I keep up with the healthy foods and making sure my calories:exercise ratio don't get so dangerously close as they have been I might just make it. I need to think out a goal for my birthday, something I'm happy with. Maybe after my official weigh in next Tuesday I can set an inches-going or something of that ilk. My inches are going down, but my weight is being stubborn.

I took a before PT picture (that I posed a few entries ago) that I can't wait to compare to a post-PT workout. I really wanted to get measurements but I can't find my tape! I'll need to go to a store and grab another one. My butt is looking really good from all that stair-stepping :D

We'll just see how this goes!

Eggs out.
xx