When I Buy Panties...

This morning I realized something: I always eye up clothes and buy them for myself at larger than they should be. With underpants I buy two or three sizes bigger and end up with what my husband lovingly refers to as "parachute panties". We went out recently and he bought my underpants - the fully serviceable un-sexy kind that women actually wear on a normal basis, and I swore they'd be far too small when I took them out of the package. Well, they weren't. I didn't much care for the cut, but overall they were exactly the size I needed.

This morning I was discussing my diet with a coworker and she asked me how on earth I'd still have 25 pounds to lose, that I was already "so skinny!". I didn't even know how to respond to that. I've been over 180 pounds since I was 12, I've always been big. I've always worn large underwear. I've always worn baggy clothes. Size 10's have never fallen down in the grocery store (yes, that happened). I've never been active.

There is an entire mental shift that needs to take place. I look in the mirror and still see a really obese person staring back at me. This entire re-education of my mindset is hard work, and often times I fight against it. I can't figure out why things start feeling out of control as soon as I accept I have been successful but I feel part of it might be the fear of "what next?" for when I'm done this stage of my life. Maintenance, although welcome, will be a new trial all on its own. New dragons to find, and then slay. New adventures to embark on. A whole new phase of life when I've just now finally gotten used to this one. One day, soon, I'll be ready. Until then I think I've earned a bit of apprehension.

I'm starting a new job this Tuesday morning, I'm going to try to help bring in some extra income for the family by spending my mornings dog walking. I'm hoping the fresh air, sunshine and exercise will continue to do me well. There's nothing like a bit of animal companionship to help make exercise seem more fun. On the plus size I plan on bringing Blake with me (in a toddler backpack) so that I can take care of income without having the outcome of babysitting expenses. It will be beneficial for all. Wish me luck.

Eggs out
xx