Corsets and Caring

I've been eating poorly for almost two weeks, and have not done a lick of exercise. I have been eating sweets and candy and dairy (ugh, sick, but so tasty!) and just a lot of bad habits. It's too dang easy to fall back into old habits!

I think the worst thing of all is that I'm not beating myself up over it. It's like I almost don't care. I wonder if I'm not getting a touch depressed or overwhelmed with life and am therefore reverting to old habits in order to soothe myself. I say all this and yet I still somehow can't manage to bring myself to really want to inspire myself to change. It's been a year, almost to the day, and I think subconsciously I'm using my emotions as a crutch, to say I'm feeling deprived (when I'm clearly not). I just need to suck it up and get back on track, phew.

I finally got my new corset today. Almost 10 months ago a bought a corset. It laced closed to 38". Eventually I had to sell it, but then today my NEW corset came in. It laces closed to 28 inches! So VERY exciting! It inspires me to keep going, but I don't see the 'smokin' hot' compliments as being deserved. I look at myself and I see nothing but chub..today is a very, very hard day for me emotionally.

Time to take stock, breathe deep, and get the hell over it! Starting tomorrow (June 17) until July 1 I'm going to set myself some goals. I must, in those 15 days, do arm exercises at least 6 times. Run on the elliptical at least 10 times. Do sit ups at least 8 times. Do weight lifting at least 8 times. I must also follow Eat to Live completely at least 12 of those days. I am accountable to myself here...if I don't do it I don't get to drink on July 2nd party! Time to earn my liquor! LOL How's THAT for inspiration?

Eggs out.
xx

Beautiful Hello

VARF June 2010 - 306 lbs

"...So start recalibrating your brain about your weight by really noticing how you feel about where you are now and where you want to be. Mentally try to let go of unrealistic expectations without letting yourself go. And don't just talk the talk, jog the jog." - Huffington Post - Breaking Plateau.

Halloween October 2010 - 287 lbs

I read this article today and found the comment that summed up Ms. Love's article to be awesome enough that it was worth sharing! We ended up eating out last night, I stayed away from gluten but I did eat me a little bit of seafood. I was actually really pleased with the food I got since when we go to the chinese place (yumyum!) I tend to way overdo it and end up making myself feel really icky.

Wedding  Nov 2010 271 lbs

I'm still reeling from the fact I'm only 14.2 pounds away from being in the 100's. If I lose 6.6lbs per month, for the rest of the months until November I'll hit my 180 goal at the same time as my birthday. I'm really thinking that this is a healthy and reasonable goal to set for myself, and so? NEW GOAL: 180lbs by my 27th birthday.

Burns Night Jan 2010 - 254.4 lbs

I was a bit iffy about my body yesterday. I took a picture, as is my wont, and was a bit unhappy with how everything looked. Today I was looking outside and had a "coming to God" moment of realization: My body used to be 331 lbs - possibly more! I am damned lucky that my skin and body look as good as they do without fussing about which bits are saggier or droopier than I might prefer them to be. Yeesh, what an easy negative spiral of thought to get trapped into. No I'll never be a supermodel with perfect skin, but I've come so far..why not love me for me. And if anyone has a problem with my "less than ideal" body parts they clearly aren't for me - right? :D

Bahamas Cruise Feb 2011 - 244 lbs

Awesome day of self-reflection. Awesome day full of love and affection. Awesome day is AWESOME.

Eggs out xx

[008] Day 8 of 8: Weigh-In Day!!

My "Very Excited But Not Ready Yet" webcam face!

Well folks, I did it. I set a weight loss goal in an earlier post of hitting 215 lbs this weigh in. That meant I had 8lbs to lose since last month, and I walloped that goal by losing a total of 9.8lbs. At this point of my journey after having lost SO much, I couldn't be happier. On Biggest Loser there were weeks where the contestants at my size after losing this much weight would only lose 1 pound a week - that's only 4lbs a month! This just means I'm on track with my goals. I know I can't expect these delightfully big numbers every month, but I can sure celebrate this one while I have it.

And now for goal review:

Action Oriented Goal: (May 31- June 7) Exercise at least 20min/day elliptical, at least 4x arm exercises and 3x sit up. Complete (One night exception when I was too physically ill. I give myself a pass on this.)
Passive Oriented Goal: (June 1-June 8) Eat to Live 100%, no eating out. Complete (Did have one sip of lemonade, and bought one cup of hot water to drink whilst out..but again, giving a pass on this infraction.)
End goal: (May 31-June 8) Get a successful weigh in at Curves of any number under 220lbs, maximum 219.9lbs.Complete (Weighed in one day early because my last day at Curves calculations were off.)

Points of Note: 

• I now weigh less than my husband. This is the first time this has been true in our entire time knowing each other. Ever. Ever ever. This is serious business people! FOR SERIOUS! :D And he's even been losing weight!
• I weigh less now than I ever have in my entire adult life (since 18 years old)
• Only 78.2lbs until my end-goal weight, and only 33.2 until my "Complete 180"
   celebration. Any suggestions on what to do for my celebration? :D
•  My success is overwhelming at times. I don't know what to do with myself, I don't know how to trust the numbers on the scale falling downward.
• I go through the same cycle EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH. Huge weight loss before weigh-in, lose a few more pounds, gain about 5, lose them all and then some. I beat myself up about it, but I think that might be what keeps my motivated. What do you think about that concept? Yes I'm way too hard on myself, but look at how it's paying off. Is it worth it to push myself harder, push myself longer, push myself more, do you think?
• I'm going home to Canada in about 6 weeks. I'm so terribly nervous that I'll fall off the wagon when I go home. I have every single other time I've ever gone home. I hope and pray I have truly learned the skills and the proper mindset to be able to stay on top of myself.
• There are two people in my life right now, other than my husband (which makes for three people), that make me so, so happy just to 'be'. I'm surrounded by friends and family, surrounded by love and living success every day. Couldn't be more thankful for all of these wonderful lights in my life.

 

Robert suggested that I make an additional goal to combat my fears of going to Canada and gaining weight (As I have always done this in the past). Therefore my goal weight for July 8th, right before we leave for Canada, is 208 pounds. I'll re-address my goals for whilst I'm actually *in* Canada next month and see where I'm at and whether a goal of maintaining is more reasonable than a goal of losing. Travel always effs up my metabolism!

Guess that is all for now! 

Eggs out xx

[007] Day 7 of 8: Action/Passive Oriented Goals

Elliptical (cardio) training: 20min/res5/0.75dist/379 calories
Arm (strength) training: 5 min/res5/0.16dist/83.3 calories
Leg Lifts (strength) training: 100 lifts, 200 calories
Lateral Leg Lifts: 0.0
Bicep Curls (strength) 3lb weights: 0.0
Active Daily Goal: Exceeded (Exercise)
Passive Daily Goal: Met (Diet) (Sipped home made lemonade to ensure sweetness for baby)
AM Weight: 215.5 lbs

Sidenote: Yesterday was roughness incarnate. I did not enjoy feeling like that, and am thankfully feeling MUCH better today. Considering going to Curves tomorrow to do my official weigh in just in case I miscalculated and tomorrow is my last official day rather than the 8th being my last official day. Actually I may have already miscalculated enough that I may have missed it..need to just show up tomorrow and hope for the best :(

[006] Day 6 of 8: Action/Passive Oriented Goals

Elliptical (cardio) training: 0.0
Arm (strength) training: 0.0
Leg Lifts (strength) training: 0.0
Lateral Leg Lifts: 0.0
Bicep Curls (strength) 3lb weights: 0.0
Active Daily Goal: Unmet
Passive Daily Goal: Met (Diet)
AM Weight: 217.5 lbs

Sidenote: Exhausted. Tired. Can't eat. BP tanking. Blergh :(

[005] Day 5 of 8: Action/Passive Oriented Goals

Elliptical (cardio) training: 20 min/res5-6/0.73dist/381cal
Arm (strength) training: 0.0
Leg Lifts (strength) training: 100 lifts, 200 calories burned
Lateral Leg Lifts: 100 lifts, 37 calories burned
Bicep Curls (strength) 3lb weights: 0.0
Active Daily Goal: Exceeded (Exercise)

Passive Daily Goal: Met (Diet)
AM Weight: 218.0 lbs

Sidenote: Staying on track when invited out to places where everyone around you is engaging themselves in delicious snacks and treats is hard. Went out last night and witnessed the most delicious ever pecan sticky bun and wanted to eat it SO BAD. Kinda digging the weight loss (7lbs in 5 days) but also excited for my 9 days of obligation to be over so I can have at least a little treat :) SUGAR! Yum yum yumm

[004] Day 4 of 8: Action/Passive Oriented Goals

Elliptical (cardio) training: 20 min/res5/0.75dist/380cal
Arm (strength) training: 5min/res5/0.15 dist/82cal
Leg Lifts (strength) training: 100 lifts, 200 calories burned
Lateral Leg Lifts: 100 lifts, 37 calories burned
Bicep Curls (strength) 3lb weights: 300 reps, 46 calories burned
Active Daily Goal: Exceeded (Exercise)

From the shoot

Passive Daily Goal: Met (Diet)
AM Weight: 220.5 lbs

Sidenote: Need to keep my food intake up. The less I eat I find the less I *need* to eat. Need to be sure I'm nourishing my body properly! Looking into the GAPS diet that Janelle discusses in her blog, http://motheringreen.blogspot.com/ as part of recovery/continuation after I've finished these eight days (At least) of getting back to the basics with Eat to Live. It's so hard to ensure that you're finding time to incorporate whole body health (physical, mental, spiritual, emotional) when you're running around, dealing with work, husbands, kids, house work, and go go go! It's worth it though and I'm going to stick to my guns by ensuring that I am carving out time for *me*...why? Because I know that I'm worth it :)

[003] Day 3 of 8: Action/Passive Oriented Goals

Evaristo Sa/AFP/Getty Image

Elliptical (cardio) training: 20 min/res5-6/0.73dist/375cal
Arm (strength) training: 5min/res5/0.16 dist/85.5cal
Leg Lifts (strength) training: 100 lifts, 200 calories burned
Bicep Curls (strength) 3lb weights: 300 reps, 46 calories burned
Active Daily Goal: Exceeded (Exercise)
Passive Daily Goal: Met (Diet)
AM Weight: 221.0 lbs

Sidenote: I saw an amazing comment on NPR's Health Blog and the best part about it was one of the comments that I saw under the article. I'm so happy I took the time to read the comments, I love getting the viewpoints of other people and...when it comes to this viewpoint I couldn't agree more:

Agatha Palma (AEPALMA) wrote:

It's funny... smoking is not nearly as popular in the US as it is in other parts of the world (like Europe) and yet we spend all of our energy on anti-smoking campaigns. The real health threat in the United States is the "food" we eat. The packaged, processed, preservative-laden, artificially flavored and artificially colored food. It kills us just as effectively as cigarettes. You become obese, get diabetes, heart disease, and then spend the rest of your life in and out of Kaiser Permanente yelling at the pharmacists from your motorized wheelchair because your meds are not ready yet. People don't even think that when they eat a bag of Cheetos they're just filling themselves with Yellow #6 and monosodium glutamate. And then they think they're being healthy when they eat Lean Cuisine for dinner. It's so sad. Personally, I feel this is why cancer is so unavoidable now. We eat fake stuff, and cover our bodies with products that contain known carcinogens. To call Big Tobacco the villain is just pure ignorance.

Saturday, May 28, 2011 6:26:10 PM

[002] Day 2 of 8: Action Oriented Goal

[002]:  June 1 (Action/Passive Oriented Goal day)
Elliptical (cardio) training: 20 min/res5-6/0.71dist/394cal
Leg Lifts (strength) training: 100 reps, 200 calories burned
Active Daily Goal: Met (Exercise)
Passive Daily Goal: Met (Diet)
AM Weight: 224.5 lbs

Sidenote: It's so hard to stay on track when your husband is eating ice cream sandwiches in front of you. It's also hard to stay on track when you're having a blue kind of day. Did a photoshoot today though, and here's a quick preview: