An Almost Forgotten April Weigh In

This morning, the 9th, I realized that something about the 8th was important. I couldn't quite place my finger on it until I realized that it's my 'standard' weigh in day! Going to Medifast has kind of messed up the importance I place on the overall month weigh in's because you have to weigh in there every single week. Although I understand the importance of weighing in on a weekly basis, I kind of miss the old days of being able to have a few days of indulgence after my weigh in. I looked forward to going to a restaurant, knowing that one meal where I had what I liked wouldn't hurt my overall month results. When you're looking at weighing in again in only six days, every morsel of food not on the plan can hurt those numbers. It's almost a competition with myself to make sure I've at least lost something.

I feel it is probably a little emotionally damaging that I tend to get a bit sad about the weeks I 'only' lose one pound. Realistically I know one pound is better than no pounds, that one pound less is that much more that I'm not going to have essentially sitting on my heart. I understand that it's better to have lost a pound than to have lost nothing, but I can't help but feel a little bit disappointed on the weeks I lose one pound instead of the 3-5 pounds I was told to expect by the Medifast staff. I understand that my body isn't every else's body though. Now, with all that said, last week at Medifast I lost 6 pounds overall. I'm not too fussed about it because it's coming off, slowly at times, but surely!

Easter weekend was lovely, we had a wonderful Easter/Birthday lunch with Robert's parents and family at a Greek place called Athena Pallas. Have I mentioned I love Greek food? No? I LOVE GREEK FOOD. To follow up with my less than stellar lunch time options there was lots of walking around in Occoquan and around Woodbridge, talking about the future and planning out the future to make sure talk turned into action. Robert and I are both going to be starting at school and that is going to be a huge time commitment. I'm excited for the future, but it is emotionally draining. I decided to email the head lady at the pet care company and let her know that I wouldn't be taking the job after all. It said clearly in the FAQs that Blake couldn't come with me, and rather than filling up my schedule with that right now I'm going to focus on my education, children, budget, spouse, house and current part time job. I might add another splash of part time work to the schedule, but it won't be until I find something I could do in the evenings to enure my morning is open for school.

Life is chugging along. It's busier than it has been, and the headaches of life that come with it are going to be exciting...but in the mean time I'm still giving it my all!

On to glory!
Eggs out
xx

When I Buy Panties...

This morning I realized something: I always eye up clothes and buy them for myself at larger than they should be. With underpants I buy two or three sizes bigger and end up with what my husband lovingly refers to as "parachute panties". We went out recently and he bought my underpants - the fully serviceable un-sexy kind that women actually wear on a normal basis, and I swore they'd be far too small when I took them out of the package. Well, they weren't. I didn't much care for the cut, but overall they were exactly the size I needed.

This morning I was discussing my diet with a coworker and she asked me how on earth I'd still have 25 pounds to lose, that I was already "so skinny!". I didn't even know how to respond to that. I've been over 180 pounds since I was 12, I've always been big. I've always worn large underwear. I've always worn baggy clothes. Size 10's have never fallen down in the grocery store (yes, that happened). I've never been active.

There is an entire mental shift that needs to take place. I look in the mirror and still see a really obese person staring back at me. This entire re-education of my mindset is hard work, and often times I fight against it. I can't figure out why things start feeling out of control as soon as I accept I have been successful but I feel part of it might be the fear of "what next?" for when I'm done this stage of my life. Maintenance, although welcome, will be a new trial all on its own. New dragons to find, and then slay. New adventures to embark on. A whole new phase of life when I've just now finally gotten used to this one. One day, soon, I'll be ready. Until then I think I've earned a bit of apprehension.

I'm starting a new job this Tuesday morning, I'm going to try to help bring in some extra income for the family by spending my mornings dog walking. I'm hoping the fresh air, sunshine and exercise will continue to do me well. There's nothing like a bit of animal companionship to help make exercise seem more fun. On the plus size I plan on bringing Blake with me (in a toddler backpack) so that I can take care of income without having the outcome of babysitting expenses. It will be beneficial for all. Wish me luck.

Eggs out
xx

Giving Myself To The World

Throughout this journey I've been developing my opinions on things nutrition and exercise related. Granted, they're based what has worked for me, but I think I've also cultured a healthy respect for the fact that no two bodies will respond to the same set of circumstances in an identical or easily predictable manner.

It's not always so easy as calories in vs. calories out. It's the quality of calories, the timing of the calories, the delivery method for the calories, and learning how to eat to feed the demands of your own body. My body, I've learned, does not tolerate low carb diets with any measure of grace. I react negatively to the target carb zone for the Medifast diet. My body is not my husband's body - he, whom has lost some 25 pounds in 5 weeks, and doesn't have any health side effects from the foods.

I'm looking forward to working on my doctorate degree in holistic nutrition (do you have any idea how strange that is to say?! It's like the first time you eat baby octopus and the little legs are all hanging around in your mouth and you don't quite know what to do with them. I'm looking forward to the challenge, though!) because I think it'll add an entire dimension to the knowledge I've gained on my own. Knowledge that other great minds have come together to prepare. I'll have my horizons broadened and will learn more methods for more bodies, so that I can help people who were just like me. I've developed the outlines of a business model, so that I can peruse my dreams once the degree is complete.

I'm so happy and excited that I've kept this blog up throughout my weight loss because I can look back and see how a little seedling of hope and dream has started germinating into something that promises to be more. I'm excited for more. I will be more. And I will turn around and give it all back. I have a feeling that this is the calling I've always had. The dream I always had, the vision I always wanted to share. I'm eager to give myself to this world in this way.

They say the best ideas start at home. We're going to finish the foods we have in the house that aren't ideal (I just made cupcakes today, with chocolate frosting!) but have only been bringing in foods that fit our 'ideal foods' model. Those ideal foods are gluten free, naturally occurring sugar only, and not overly processed and full of fats. It's exciting for my family to be moving in this direction, and even more exciting that my husband is 100% behind me.

Today, friends, is a good day.

Eggs out
xx

A Down Spiral To Be Happy With

I've finally worked Medifast into a sustainable routine. As with any dietary shift it takes time to acclimate to the new food and new approach. I've learned that I need extra carbs and need to supplement much higher than they recommend with my own food from home. I'm now back in my healthy target zone, without the need for the time consuming and pesky iso-caloric approach.

 Now that the adjustment phase is over, and I kind of just "eat what I want when I want" again the weight is coming off. I think the regimented style of Medifast has been working great for Robert, whom has pretty much reached his halfway point! A progrma I'd reccommend, but only to certain people in certain situations. I wouldn't likely do it again for myself :)

Eggs out
xx

Starward Dreamer - Daily Affirmations

There was once a little girl, fat and afraid. She dreamed about making friends. She dreamed about running and playing without being judged for inability. She even dared to dream that she might eat without scathing glances from a public audience.

Eyes were everywhere, always. She couldn't jump the large pond as all the other children did. Instead she landed with an ungracious splat right in the middle of it. The butt of every joke, drawn to gross proportions in art class, and unhappy.

My life sucked. Bullies suck. Those that truly loved me were few and far between, but I am forever grateful to them. Those that have stood beside me during every step of my own self discovery will go down in the history of my life as something completely amazing.

I type this entry with fingers half the thickness they used to be. I sit cross-legged in a chair in a manner I never could before. I have dreams for the future. I don't need anyone to hold my hand on this journey anymore. I don't need someone telling me what to do, or how to live, or what has to happen for me to be happy.

I have self-actualized my life. I am empowered. I will never stop.

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Catch Me If You Can...

April 14, 2012: 5 Mile Walk for MS (Free, untimed event in support of multiple sclerosis)

April 28, 2012: 10k Walk for Fitness (Free, untimed event in memory of a fallen firefighter) Woodbridge

May 6, 2012: May Day 5K (Timed event, entry fee $20) Lake Ridge

May 19, 2012: Falcon 5k (Timed event, entry fee $20) Woodbridge

Medifast: 4 Weeks In

I've been having some success with Medifast, and then no success with it. This past week I only lost half a pound..but that is still something to be celebrated. I think when I started this journey I had so many intentions to completely transform who I was without help.

I realize now that that would have been impossible. I did it all through hard effort and sheer determination, but it's impossible to do anything so monumental without support. People encouraging me on Facebook and sending me awesome messages about how inspirational they feel I am, and all that have really helped keep me focused on continuing to perform.

That kind of support and help is something I'd like to pass on to others so Robert and I have been talking about me getting a degree in Hollistic health as a nutritionist. I think I could be awesome at this and am excited about the opportunity. There are some fine details to hash out but, in the end, this will probably be an awesome thing for our family!

A Magical March Weigh-In

 It's been hard to keep up with where I am lately. I don't feel like posting all the time like I was before when I was in charge of what I was doing. When I was doing an iso-caloric approach to eating I was taking every little thing I ate into consideration and really invested in my diet and exercise routine. Now that I'm doing Medifast I feel a little distant, almost like I've traded active investment for passive investment. I'm obviously invested enough to eat the products and write in the journal...but am I invested  enough to feel like this is me making these successes happen, rather than these successes happening because someone else did all the brain-work to make sure my body would respond in a particular way.

I'm giving it a few more weeks. I want to see how I feel after all is said and done during that time. I might take a break from the program and go back to eating real, fresh, true foods and see if that can help me out at all.

Success is success: Truth. Success by any means necessary is still success: Not Truth.

Eggs out
xx