So Long and Farewell 18

Today was a rather interesting day. I had always hoped, but never really dared dream, that I'd go into a plus size store (size 14+) and be told, "We're sorry, we don't have a size smaller." I've heard lots of, "Sorry, it doesn't come larger" but never the opposite! A magical day for me indeed. I bought a pair of jeans, size 16! I haven't been a size 16 since elementary school. I remember in 7th grade that I'd outgrown all my pants and I had to tie the jeans open in front with string from the button over to the button-hole to add inches and would have to wear longer shirts and sweaters accordingly. I must have really looked a hot mess, because I know I certainly felt a hot mess.

The jeans were a triumph, I only bought one pair because I'm sure I won't be in a 16 for too long. I bought a Hello Kitty t-shirt in a standard size L because...it's Hello Kitty. More doesn't need to be said as it'd just be silly to explain the obvious greatness of everyone's favourite Sanrio kitty. I picked up a pair of capri-length black leggings in a standard size XL and my life is pretty much just be constantly reconciling with looking at jeans, holding them up, thinking they're too small, trying them on, and poof - they fit. I still feel so much bigger than I am, I wonder if that will ever change?

Now for the poopy part of all of this: My weight keeps climbing (201.8 this morning). I've eliminated diet as a cause, so hopefully I'll see some improvement there. I'm going to try to get out for a nice walk tomorrow so hopefully that'll jump start things. I've taken some supplements, and finally: I've realized I've been seriously undereating and under-hydrating lately. Remembering to eat and drink is such a pain, but I know if I don't stuff my face I won't loose weight. So back to face stuffing! I ate a few pounds of boiled/steamed/panfried in water vegetables today and probably a pound of fresh fruit. If I don't loose weight at this point I guess it simply isn't meant to be. I started the month at 209, and as long as I get 8 pounds weight lost (2 pounds per week) I can accept that.

I was discussing my upcoming weigh-in with Robert, and I mentioned to him that I was worried about not hitting 199. After thinking about it I realized that everything is fitting better, I'm in smaller sizes, so maybe I haven't lost pounds so much as I have lost inches? One can hope and dream at least...I like to measure myself without looking at my old measurements and then compare. Keeps me from pulling to hard to make sure I didn't gain ;) Keeps things legit. I hope to see at least 3"-5" lost this past month because I feel like I've earned the better part of that. Weigh-in day feels almost like Doomsday...impending doom filled with doom, doom and more doom!

Ah well. It's hard to feel doomed when I get told in a plus-sized shop that they don't carry what I'm looking for. It's great to be eyed up, head to toe, and handed the smallest size they carry with a, 'Well..you can try it? We don't have anything smaller' (Addition-Elle sales associate). So long Fat-Clothes...I'll miss you in some ways, but am otherwise quite ready to be rid of you.

Formerly yours, futurely my own and never again a US size 18;
Eggs. xx