Wednesday, August 31, 2011

To blow the dust off of this thing...

New work uniform - Yes. Fuschia scrubs. <3
I've been really struggling lately with everything. As of this morning I've only lost 1.8 pounds all month. That will make this the second-worst weigh in I'll ever have had. Second, of course, to that one month I gained a single pound - the second month of my recorded journey. Goodness me. I'm disappointed in myself.

I wrote all of these big promises and goals in my last entry here, but the pain and stiffness I'm experiencing after the car accident has just gotten progressively worse. It's to the point know where I can't properly work out because it sends shooting pain down my neck into what feels like is up under my shoulder blades. I'm just so disappointed, I MUST be exercising in order to lose weight at this stage in the game. Hopefully the chiropractor can put this broken body back together again so I can get on with my life.
Size 12 pants: Buttoned up!

I'm giving myself some time to heal though. I can't afford to worsen the injury and then be out of commission for even longer. I have a 180 deadline that I MUST meet no later than my birthday otherwise..otherwise I'll have completely let myself down. This accident makes me angry.

I need to get back on track. I keep saying that, but it's true. And I will. I will. Next post I'll try to do a little food whoring, and get some of my recipes 'out there' since a lot of people have been inquiring about how we manage to keep gluten/dairy/salt/meat/oil free vegan cooking tasting good and looking original. I've been taking pictures, so keep an eye out for them! And, to wrap it all up: A HUGE CONGRATS to my honey, Robert, for having lost 11 pounds on E2L in exactly 2 weeks. And, as an aside: darn men and their ability to lose weight so fast. Grar! :)

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Getting Activity Back In The Limelight

Limelight: Makes you pucker!
I'm trying to get activity back into the forefront of my life; I want movement and exercise to take back the reigns of my weight loss since it's my diet that has been carrying the responsibility for results for the past three months. I went to a few different websites today to explore the options that were out there for setting goals for myself. The last blog update left me kind of wondering how many goals I had that needed reconfiguring and I felt there were enough things lacking overall that it was worth spending time today to get my priorities straight.

I'm actually feeling less confident about all of my goals and commitments right now that I have felt in previous months. I feel like I've let myself down a little bit this past week being home (even being on E2L 10%). It's a little overwhelming to also consider just how I'm going to get myself back in the saddle when it feels like I've dug myself into a bit of a hole with my fitness. However I've had some GREAT news: I got the job and will be working part-time ad a Chiropractor's office. It'll be wonderful for my psyche to get out and do 'adult things' again, but one of the benefits is a free gym membership and free chiropractic treatments to keep me running at my best. How much more perfect for my life could this be? I'm thrilled and because of my thrillingness I will surely give my 110% best to the practice. So, I guess all that there is left to do is to present the day's findings as relating to the above-mentioned priorities and rewards system.

  1. Lose Weight: I'm currently 198 pounds and have a goal to be 135 by June 8, 2012. I understand this is pushed back two months from my original goal but I feel this is a little more reasonable with life getting busier and obligations abounding.
  2. Start the Couch to 5k program. I'll be doing C25K three times a week to train for the Zombie 5k. This is a double goal because getting active at least three times per week is another goal so this all rolls into one.
  3. Take my multivitamin daily. I fail so hard at this and hope to get on top of it. I'm going to create a chart for myself on the fridge and will checkmark the days I do it instead of being a donut and forgetting.
  4. Run 100 miles by June 8, 2012.
  5. Drink 8 glasses of water per day. I'm always under-hydrated and this will help keep my innards all optimally functioning.
  6. Do 1 week at LA Boxing. Got a coupon to try it for free so I plan to do just that.
  7. Schedule 1-2 days of rest per week and stick to them.
  8. Identify one health goal. I chose making the 1 mile run to my Sister-in-law's house without needing to stop due to exhaustion/being winded my goal.
  9. Choose 1 new activity to try out each month.
  10. Establish final weight goals and clothing goals. 135 or 125? Need to choose soon.
  11. Set a rewards chart and stick to it to help keep the budget under wraps.
  12. E2L10% - Feel good about what I'm eating and blog out what I'm doing 'wrong' when I don't feel good about my choices. Plot out and identify patterns surrounding poor choices.
  13. Set a monthly weigh-in goals to be reconfigured each month as appropriate. Make a general goal-line to stick to. DONE

So, there are the goals! I went over them with Robert time and time again to make sure they were feasible and that I was setting myself up for success without being too easy on myself. I think I achieved a really healthy balance right there. So on to charts!

Weight Chart
September 8, 2011: 195 pounds at weigh in (down 2.4 from current)
October 8, 2011: 188 pounds (down 7 from previous)
November 8, 2011: 180 pounds (down 8 from previous)
December 8, 2011: 174.0 pounds (down 6 from previous)
January 8, 2012: 167.0 pounds (down 7 from previous)
February 8, 2012: 160.0 pounds (down 7 from previous)
March 8, 2012: 153.0 pounds (down 7 from previous)
April 8, 2012: 147.0 pounds (down 6 from previous)
May 8, 2012: 141.0 pounds (down 6 from previous)
June 8, 2012: 135 pounds (down 6 from previous) GOAL

Rewards Chart
October (for hitting 190 pounds): Sign up for one additional class offered at the gym. Do Zombie 5k.
November (for hitting 180 pounds): Complete 180 Celebration
December (no ten-set goal): Christmas time - Asking for a bicycle and helmet
January (for hitting 170 pounds): Professional Massage
February (for hitting 160 pounds): Cruise with the family
March (for hitting 150 pounds): 1 month of personal training (1-2x/wk)
April (no ten-set goal): No goal reached during this month. Budget a baby carrier for the bike?
May (for hitting 140 pounds): Get my "M" (Motorcycle) class on my license
June (for hitting 135 pounds - GOAL): Blog Book printed

I really think that a healthy rewards system is vital to doing well. I understand that most of my rewards are also all things that will continue to contribute to a healthy and active lifestyle but I think that is the way it should be.

As the last addition to today's entry I shall include and EPIC shout out to my husband for his weightloss so far: 7 pounds and counting! You can follow him at A Personal Oreography, feel free to offer him encouragement and support...we all need it.

Hope everyone is mulling over their own goals and doing well by themselves today!
Eggs out.


Sunday, August 21, 2011

I'm An Inspiration, I've saved Someone's Life.

Me throughout the stages
I've realized that I'm an inspiration, and that yes I have saved someone's life. There was a girl that I used to know that desperately needed help getting on the right track. She told me she tried everything humanly possible to loose weight. She told me she didn't have any health problems she knew about yet but knew they'd likely be coming down the line. She confessed her unhappiness about her body image and how she hated the way she felt constantly exchanging her clothes for the 'next size up'.

That person I saved was me. It's so easy to forget the good things we do for ourselves, often categorizing it as something we must do, or something we 'just do', rather than something we choose to do. Everything I've done so far I've chosen to do for myself and my health. I've been my own hero in all of this and it makes me proud to know I was able to actually step out of the situation I put myself in and see what needed changing. I'm now in the 190's and considering I started in the 330's...it's almost more than I can really process at times.

Exterior damage - Getting the quote tomorrow
I take many blog posts to stop and think about everything that everyone else has done for me. Now I'm taking a moment to realize all that I've chosen to do for me. I've chosen this. What a powerful piece of knowledge that is. Today I was in a car accident - a hit and run. My back is stiff and I'm feeling stressed after a day of insurance and police reports. Hopefully a few days of rest will find me well and mended so I can get back into a regular exercise routine. I've also applied for a job that would be perfect for me, and one of the benefits is a gym membership - how handy would that be?

Sometimes things happen outside of our control, car accidents and stress, but all we can do is keep trucking forward and not let those things get the better of us. I think the attitude I've chosen today will serve me well in the long-run even though I'd really just throw a tantrum, kick my feet and pout.

Eggs out
xx

Friday, August 19, 2011

Something More [004/020]

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." Harvey Fierstein.
When I think of "something more" I think of this quote. It's such an inherently powerful quote that inspires me in so many ways to keep doing what I know is right, to keep scaling the tallest walls and achieving for the sake of knowledge and growth, rather than to impress how wonderful I am upon others. I've learned a lot about myself, many of these things seem utterly contradictory to my weight loss so I think it's important I share them here!
I'm not a planner. I go wherever the wind blows, and I follow the rabbit down the rabbit hole without looking back. I see the beauty in the smallest of things, I feel empathy for unintended pains, I feel small beside the ocean and I feel at home resting my forehead against a tree covered in moss. Sometimes I like to pretend that I can imagine the thoughts of an animal just by giving them a cuddle and staring into their eyes. I like dancing with ribbons and tambourines, I like singing really loudly even though I have the voice of a saw on wood, and I love to love with everything I have. I give because I am so rich inside and I attribute my riches and inspiration to my husband, my family, my world, my perspective. I love fast, I feel deeply, I recover from hurt quickly, and I forgive almost immediately. 
This is my 'something more' in life. Giving myself to others, without doing it at the expense of "self" is what I'm all about. I love sharing ideas and passions. I love educating others and being educated in turn. I love having my horizons widened and internal wells filled to bursting with information and facts that I can sift through and develop opinions on. I love being in love, I love being passionate and I love sharing those feelings with others.
I know that sounds very 'hippy-esque" (or so I've been told) but it is what drives me and makes me happy. I learned that by getting myself on a healthy track of fitness, good food and weight loss that I was suddenly able to break the cage of fat that I had buried myself in and start giving of myself in all the ways I wanted to without fear of rejection, restriction or ramifications.  There is always something more important than giving up: If you're considering giving up at a job, at weight loss, at school it's easy enough to get everything back in perspective when you think of that 'something more': Your family, your children (or future children), your financial security, your life in the future. 
Find your something more. Find what makes you happy and go there, it's never a direct and straight path to what makes you happy but life is made up of the bumps along the way. It's how we handle the bumps that impact who we are as people. When it relates to weight loss I might say: Yes maybe you shouldn't have eaten that, but forgive yourself quickly and take the next challenge with your 'something more' in mind. Never give up, because life eats quitters for breakfast.
Interview for a job I'd love to have today! I hope I get it. Getting out and continuing to be me outside of the home once again would be utterly brilliant. I hope you are all having inspired and 'something more' kinds of days!
Eggs out.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Apples to Oranges [003/020]

Sharing is what humans are meant to do, so I don't understand it when some people covet their hobbies, activities or choices. Perhaps it is selfishly driven? Either way I'm happy to welcome my husband back to the fold of healthy living and eating and am so thrilled for him that he is already seeing results. He wants to lose 64 pounds to get to his goal weight of 156 and I want to lose 64 pounds to get to my goal weight of 135. We have the same amount to lose so we've teamed up to become weight loss buddies! It is very exciting for me.

He made a decision to be on E2L and detox a full six weeks. I know he won't slip in any mistakes since I'll be the one doing the cooking, but I hope his determination and dedication carry him 100% to the point where he learns he could do it - even without me in his corner. It took me months to be brave enough to know I could do it on my own without feeling deprived or unsupported. He's doing well..I'm proud of him and I've found my affection toward him raising now that he's making choices I'm proud of and proud to support.

So let's see now: Ways to work out without hitting a gym is today's post. I've found a lot of ways to work out without hitting a gym, and I must say the most effective one is bringing gym equipment into my home. An eliptical can be used two ways (arms, and legs/cardio seperately) but isn't always affordable. I definitely advise checking out bargain hunting newspapers, or classified ads. A lot of people love offloading their fitness supplies for next-to-nothing to gain back space. If you have no money for fitness supplies (or space to house it) you can get a full body work out with cardio and strength training with nothing but the stuff you can find in your own home. It's actually pretty amazing!
  • Tinned food: Cans and tubs of food in equal sizes on both sizes can be used to strengthen and tone. Try 200 reps of curls, lifts, or extensions with a big can of baked beans and tell me you don't feel the burn. Toning is achieved with multiple repetative low-weight movements. Cans are great for that.
  • Gallon-jugs of water: You can work your entire core with one gallon of water. Swing it like a kettle bell with hip-pops, use it for obliques by controlledly twisting yourself from side-to-side whilst holding it, use it for leg-squats, or work on your endurance by simply holding it above your head for as long as you possibly can.
  • Pillows: Have someone hold a pillow for you and punch it as hard and as fast as you can for as long as you can. Great way to get your heart rate up, and get it up quickly. You don't need to be a boxer, or have any rhythm or form at all. Just punch like a maniac and see the magic happen!
  • Chairs: Can be used as supports for pushups, situps, stretching, strength training - the list goes on forever.
  • Couch: Whilst watching tv do mini sit-ups and put a small effort of thought into isolating your stomach muscles themselves to pull you up rather than relying on momentum. It looks a bit like you're rocking but anything done repetatively for the duration of a 30 minute television show will give a workout!
  • Office chair: If you have a spinny-chair that has wheels and can swivel from side to side try putting your forearms flat on your desk and use your obliques (abdomincal muscles on either side of your torso) to force your body to twist back and forth. I lost something like 3" off my waist one month doing this while watching Korean historical dramas on the computer.
  • Beds: If your bed can handle it, it is great cardio to jump up and down and the springs just make it fun. If your bed can't handle it, just jump up and down on the floor a lot. Great cardio and your heart rate will get into a good fat-burning zone.
  • Floors: Situps, pushups, tagging pushups (if you have a buddy), planks. You name it, it can be done in some variation on the floor.
  • Yoga: Can be done at home with no supplies at all. By exercising exact control over your muscles and holding poses for long periods of time you can get a great work out in.
  • Walking/Jogging/Running/Cycling: If you have a bicycle, or a pair of sneakers, get outside and go. Walking is great for your health and burns a good amount of calories. If you have children you can take them along with you and teach them all about a healthy lifestyle simply by having them see you doing something good for yourself!
I'm sure there is a lot out there that I'm not immediately recalling but this short-list of things I do, or have done personally, to help me keep my inches in check and to get my heart rate into the prime-zone for fat loss! And, as an aside I checked my body fat percentage yesterday and registered in at 37.8%. In June I was at 39.3% so in those two months I've managed to lose 1.5%. Although 0.75% per month isn't the greatest ever it certaily isn't too shabby either!

I'm content with where I am, but really need to get exercise back into my life as a regular part of my daily routine. Exercise isn't always easy, and unless I've already started it or am 'in the mood' it can be rather trying at times. I'm going to get some walking in, some eliptical running, some strength training and perhaps a bit of training on the Wii Fit to mix things up and keep things fun.

Eggs out!
xx

Friday, August 12, 2011

Blogging Up a Q&A

I recently put the call out to friends and family to send me any questions they might have about my weightloss journey. The reason why was simple: Other people think of things and ask questions that I might never think to ask of myself! My blog serves as a daily journal of sorts, and I really wanted to get a few things recorded in here. So without further ado:
  1. What part of your body are you most pleased with the change of and why?The part of my body that I am most pleased with the change in is actually a tie between my neck/collarbone area and my thighs. My neck used to always look so huge and fat, my face looked swollen sometimes. Now I have a collarbone and I really love the look of it - and yes I'm aware that probably sounds silly...but the collarbone has been nice to see. I'm really happy with the change in my thighs. They used to be everything one can imagine from a morbidly obese person's thighs: Wobbly, jiggly, blobby and not good. I often felt as though I had two honey hams hanging out in my trousers. I hate my thighs very much and now they are much better. The toning and overall weightloss has done wonders for them!
  2. What is the single most important thing to your successI'd consider my discovery of Eat to Live to be the single most important contributing factor to my success. I'd consider my readiness and willingness to change to be the most important baseline factor. Without the willingness I'd not have started, and without Eat to Live I never would have learned how to actually nourish myself and develop a healthy relationship with food.
  3. Do you feel like you will be satisfied once you reach your goal or that you'll want more?I have recently been thinking about my goal weight of 135 lbs. I keep looking at BMI charts and comparing my figure to the numbers there. I know that BMI is not entirely reliable, but I've decided to make it to 135 lbs and then see if I might prefer how I'd look at 125 lbs (or a number between 125 and 135) better. My goal is 135 lbs, but where I go after that will depend on how I look and how I feel - I'm open to change.
  4. What foods do you wish, to the point of feeling you are depriving yourself, you could eat? I'm not just asking about unhealthy choices, but any food.
    I actually think this question is rather telling. Most people assume that in order to lose weight one must deny themselves and cut out entire food groups. The truth of the matter is that I cut out everything non-vegan for 6 weeks, and now that I'm done the 6 weeks I have whatever I want! I don't eat meat as a moral/personal choice  and I don't eat dairy due to intolerance so that's not something I miss too terribly. So...ultimately my answer is: Nothing! I eat whatever I want.
  5. Do you not choose foods based on their ingredients / manufacturing processes? IE if you were not in America would those foods / dishes be OK to eat
    I tend to choose foods that are organic (preferred), non-refined (preferred), not full of preservatives (preferred), gluten and dairy free and as close to natural/raw as possible. I tend to not eat things with aspartame and such rubbish in, and will make other choices where I can. Sometimes though I just want an artificially sweetened big-arse cup of diet coke and don't care.  8/10 times I'll eliminate something as a valid choice if it's crap. The other 2 times it's open season.
  6. What do you miss most about not living a healthy life style?Not a damn thing. I was fat, bloated, unhealthy, feeling depressed and poorly. I could only shop at plus sized stores, I was miserable, I was withdrawn, I couldn't run, I had asthma, everything was bad. The only solace I had was eating a box of chicken nuggets if I wanted to - killing myself and making all my problems worse. Nothing. I miss nothing. I don't know how anyone could.
  7. Is the physical change the best thing you've gained or the sense of accomplishment?The sense of accomplishment is the best thing in that I feel I can do anything. No, I KNOW I can do anything. The sky is my limit because I was strong enough to take my life back!
  8. What is the hardest part of living in a non-healthy family - Both from before and now?The hardest thing is knowing what dreadful crap is in the food you're eating but still finding yourself unable to stop. Knowing that you're choosing to feed it to your children, knowing you're setting them up for failure. Knowing you're poisoning your husband just as fast as you're poisoning yourself. That's the hardest part of living in a non-healthy family. After that? Sometimes there is a lack of support. Sometimes I have to cook two meals. The result has been an overall healthier approach to everything about life though so we don't really do 'unhealthy' anymore!
  9. What are five things you'd like to accomplish or experience between now and your goal weight?Sky diving, rock climbing, half-day kayaking, hiking a very difficult trail, and skiing.
  10. What made you choose the goal weight you did?It was the upper-end of the weight for my BMI. I figured my bone structure is a little thicker than most so a higher weight within healthy confines would be the best choice for me. I'll refigure my weight if I get to goal and decide I'm still feeling too big or too small!
  11. What's your favorite meal that you've discovered on this journey."Crap in a pot" is my favourite meal and I eat it about twice a day. It's tofu, peppers, greens, onions, carrots, tomato, potato, whatever I have on hand thrown into a skillet and warmed. It's really quick, tasty and takes no time at all to prepare.
  12. Do you eat any junk food? Or is it all off limits? If not, how do you stop from indulging?!I eat junk food semi-regularly, nothing is offlimits. I just make the best choices I can, when I can. I know the calories in that kind of food and although an occasional treat (once a week, if I care to?) is fine...I also know the work it takes to get rid of it. I keep from indulging by knowing that junk food is essentially poison. A little bite from a venemous snake might not kill you but if you get bit straight on the vein and sit there while it does its thing you will surely die. That's how I feel about junk food. I never deny myself anything - ever. That is the path to failure...but I keep a healthy respect for junk food as much as any hiker would keep a healthy respect for snakes and scorpions lurking in the grass.
  13. What keeps you motivated to continue?I've come this far and I know I'm worth it. My health is worth it. My children are worth it. Doing anything less and I'm robbing myself blind....I've earned it. That's what keeps me going.
  14. Do the stretch marks get better?They fade with time but they never go away. They never get better. What has been done will not be undone. A stretch mark is your skin torn past the point of ability to stretch, scars are left in the wake. The only way to get rid of them permanently is to get surgery in my opinion....but I wear mine like battle scars. I'm proud of every one <3
Ive been doing a lot of growing at the same time I've been doing a lot of shrinking! :)

Eggs out
xx

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Emotional Alternatives [002/020]

Emotional eating is a habit that many of us overweight and/or unhealthy people learn as a method of coping with any extreme emotions. Many people eat when they are sad, eat when they are happy, eat when they are bored, eat when they are frustrated, or just eat because it is there. We eat to take back a sense of control, we do it for spite, we do it to hurt ourselves, and we do it to protect ourselves from hurt. Eating has become less about nourishment and more about satisfaction: Living to eat, rather than eating to live.

When it's put plainly like that it's easy to see how quickly those negative choices can impact one's waistline, because let's face it: No one binges on turnips. Foods of choice are normally sugar, salt or fat laden and clog up our arteries just as quickly as we're packing it in our mouths. As a society we abuse food and then are abused by food in turn with poor health, poor coping mechanisms and a poor relationship with a substance we require to live. For many it's a losing battle: How can a food addict that emotionally eats ever escape their 'drug' of choice when their 'drug' is something they absolutely must have?

So, how did I do it? I don't know when the switch flipped, and I still find myself reaching for sweets whenever I get overwhelmed and life gets tough. In many ways I feel like a hypocrite writing about this topic; although I have a much healthier relationship than food than I ever had I still fear losing control. I've caught myself unawares, putting things in my mouth that I don't consciously want to eat. I spit it out, I sigh, and I start again. In many ways I'm like a recovering substance abuser at times, my first inclination is to go back to abusing that substance and I do it without thought.

I think the key to my own success has been catching myself and realizing what I'm doing to myself. Realizing I deserve better and don't want to put harmful substance in my body. Chocolate isn't a harmful substance, I do eat it from time to time and I enjoy it...but anything eaten or indulged in without thought and out of desperation is harmful - I truly believe that.

So what can we do instead of emotional eating? With it being such a common method of coping for so many people and often encouraged by well-meaning friends and family it's hard to figure out how to get back in control. Punch a pillow, go for a walk, take up sport - the same old 'cheese' that every article out there offers as substitution. I guess the only thing that ever worked for me was thinking about the calories in what I was going to eat, adn knowing what when I was feeling happier or more in control that I'd regret the hell out of it. Sure it might appease me right now, but in a day when skies were a little more blue I'd have to work twice as hard to get it out of my system. I've seen the calories in emotional-eating food, and I've seen the work that goes into getting rid of it - am I just lazy maybe? Either way, that works for me but since everybody is different I guess the only advice I can offer is to 'find what works for you and stick to it.' Pretty sage advice, but not very helpful ;)

This leads me to a healthy rewards system. It's nice to feel indulged but finding the things that make us feel good without using food can be difficult. Finding a way to incorporate healthy habits into our rewards is also challenging - but I've finally found a way! I got an exercise bike as a reward (forget which set-reward it was though), and new clothes that really show off my new body and hard work have been great. I've purchased a few things like scales, and a body fat analyzer as rewards to help me keep achieving my goals and I couldn't be happier with them. I think massages, tools of the trade, new journals, new cookbooks, healthy activities with the family (hiking, swimming, day at the National Park) and things like that are great rewards and things that can be had without any guilt afterward.

So I guess that is what I think about this topic in the 'here and now'. I wonder if I'll still feel the way at the end of this leg of the journey? I guess I'll have to do a recap at that time - 135 pounds...so close, yet so far. I can do this with the use of healthy rewards as a positive tool behind me.

Eggs out
xx

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

They Never Had A Chance [001/020]

I've always wondered about the whole "Nature vs. Nurture" aspect of child-rearing. How much of our mental, physical, and emotional issues are hard-wried into us? How many are we taught? How are we, now as parents ourselves, contributing to the healthy (or not so healthy) habits of our own brood.

Did any of us Fatties ever really have a chance? I'm not entirely convinced that we did. There does come a point in time though, as adults, where we need to take responsibility for ourselves and for the choices we are making outside of our parent's home and our community. We need to stop blaming others for our shortcomings and work with a smile to correct them. It's hard, but it's worth it and I believe it's one of the only things that can break the cycle for children of our own.

I believe we're all hard-wired to become fat because I believe in evolution. I believe that our bodies remember old days of hunting down a beast and dragging it back to the village. I believe that our cells themselves have generations and generations of memory about food scarcity and they fear starvation. I believe our bodies are some of the most amazingly powerful survival machines ever built. Have a limb cut off? No problem, we'll just quickly snap off the blood flow to save your life. Fallen into ice-cold water? No problem, we'll just buy you some time to try to get out by pulling heat to your core. Your offspring being attacked by a wild cat? No issue there either, we'll just pump you so full of adrenaline that the cat won't know what hit it.

We're beasts, we're built to survive. Anyone who has ever tried severe calorie restriction as a method of weightloss will likely be able to attest that weight might have eventually come off, but as soon as they look sideways at an ice cream it came back with interest. Our body thinks, "Well now, I wonder if X isn't going to try to starve us again? Bugger that, I'm going to hit a plateau and gain weight back to save myself. Weight loss be damned." Our body is a beautiful machine, and will spite us every time if we do it wrong.

I think that is what gets most people trying to lose weight. I think the fad diet mindset of the 70's, 80's and 90's of extreme restriction, eating less and exercising more, denying one's self entire food groups long-term and not learning how to cope with food for a long-term solution has been society's ultimate downfall. A pill can't do it for you, it can't teach you how to feed your body. A surgery might force the weight off you, but it's unnatural and it's also not teaching you mentally how to cope with the real world of food and why you got yourself fat in the first place. The real world has family BBQ's, trips with the kids for ice cream and temptations aplenty.

So looking at how we're hard wired I honestly believe nature has set us all up for failure if we don't learn from nurture how to do it right. That brings us down to our home environments, our communities, what we've learned at school, and how we are raised to view food, fitness and diet. Home environment is the base of everything; A child should be able to have chicken nuggets or a hamburger (or some similar alternative) just like every other child but I've seen some parents taking their kids out to eat every single night. What is the lesson being learned here? In my opinion it is that when life gets too busy, too hectic, or something else is going on that it's alright to let someone else do the work for you. Sure we can say we make the best choices available to us but fast food and takeaways are riddled with nutritional scum. Salt, sugar, preservatives, fat, oil, grease. We're teaching our children that this is an acceptable alternative to making the time to make health a priority. Eating out once a month, once a week even - fine....but more than that? Those kids are on the first step of not having had a chance.

Our communities help shape who we are from the choices we make to the people we surround ourselves with. It's hard to be a part of an inner-city gang selling drugs on a street corner if we grow up in Amish country. I'm not saying there aren't those formerly-Amish out there making bad choices, but I believe that we all strive to emulate others around us - if we didn't, why the hell was high school so damnably torturous? If our communities are plus sized, if giant BBQ's and food-centric activities are how we congregate then what are we doing to ourselves and our children? We're teaching them that to be like everyone else means we eat like everyone else. I remember feeling very jealous as a child in elementary school that a classmate had what I perceived to be a better snack than mine. I wanted to have it, I wanted to eat it, I wanted to have the same thing. Looking back it wasn't at all healthy, and what I carried was a much better choice - but community can do us wrong. Not learning the difference would mean that's another mark of not ever having had a chance.

Our medical professionals are charged with the sole task of keeping after our health. They are not charged with being God, nor are they charged with slamming 100 patients into a single work day. It's not all their fault, there are so many pressures and demands but a doctor that chooses to get to know their patients by name, and learns about their family is worth their weight in gold. Often times our doctors won't recall who we are without looking at our chart, and the obvious lack of recognition is disheartening. When you're fat it also becomes the scapegoat for every single "I don't really know" about your health. Back pain, depression, anxiety, lethargy, all obvious symptoms of having to lose weight with nothing to do with thyroid, cancer, bowl disorder, etc. Pardon my sarcasm. Assumptions that we are unhealthy because we are overweight, that being the 'nugget of advice' bestowed upon us at every unrelated visit. That raised-eyebrow look between nurses as they do your intake vitals. We feel that discrimination, us fat people do, and those fat children feel it as well. If you're always wrong in the eyes of someone you look up to, trust and respect how exactly can you ever be right? Doctors are judged with our care, not our damnation: I encourage everyone to ask questions, demand answers, and not be afraid to fire your doctor and find a new one if you're always wrong if only because you're fat. As kids we're taught to respect and look up to this people...yet again, never had a chance.

Diets. Pills. Sugeries. Quick fixes. We live in a world of instant gratification and instant result. If there isn't a pill out there to fix it, then it isn't an actual problem. Growing up our mothers were all on diets or our Aunts or our best friends. Everyone was full of bad advice about our developing figures, leaving diet books and Cosmopolitan models scattered about the coffee table. We learned early to emulate the women in the magazines, on the internet and on television by watching the female role models in our lives do the same thing. I have a friend whom I believe does everything she can to keep her daughter safe from feeling ashamed of her body. It's one thing I've come to admire, adore and respect about her. The human form in all shapes and all sizes is never something to be kept hidden or covered away. Teach our girls by positive example that if they want a fitter and slimmer body to get out and have fun. To exercise by swimming or doing sport, to eat as much as they want of the best things in order to mitigate the bad things. Teach them to nourish rather than restrict. Children emulate their same-sex parent...if it's always one diet that fails followed by another, emotional damning of the child for being too heavy, or yet another new exercise machine that eventually becomes a clothes-rack in the basement we do them harm. We're only teaching them the same self-fulfilling fail-fad-diet circle, teaching them to beat themselves up over every stray calorie, and that fitness is a low priority option not something to carry with us for life. There's also the parent that teaches their child to eat whatever they want, gives in whenever a child doesn't like something, or tells them falsely that they can eat whatever on earth they like as long as they think about exercising sometime. Maybe. If they feel like it. With parents often working against their children subconciously they surely never had a chance.

Our bodies are amazing, and our children are our treasures...I believe that learning how to love and respect ourselves enough to make fitness and healthy eating a top priority is the only way to fight against nature to ensure our nurture gives our children a fighting chance. There are other things I haven't covered in this post and I must reiterate that these are my feelings in there 'here and now', Those things I haven't covered though ultimately don't make huge differences...medical conditions, or medications that cause weight issues are rampant in our society of preservatives and artificiality; but my main fact remains: No matter your circumstance you can always choose to eat healthy and find time to work in fitness if you want to. It's a choice. Every day is a choice. Make every day count.

Eggs out.
xx

Monday, August 8, 2011

Organizing My Thoughts

I always have so much that I want to explore in my blog, but find myself getting caught up in the mundane aspects of my life and my weightloss. Although I think that the mundane certainly has its place in my blog, I also really want to explore bigger topics and my feelings/thoughts on them. It's funny how my perspectives on certain topics have changed as I have lost weight, I was much more forgiving for people who 'tried to but couldn't' lose weight before and now find myself in a sympathetically less-forgiving frame of mind. It can be done, because I was one of those people that 'tried but couldn't' and now I think I expect the same strength and determination from everyone else. Whether or not that is fair is to be determined, but I guess we can't always help how we feel - we can only explore the reasons as to why we feel that way.
I don't want to sound like a fitness or weight-loss guru: I'm not by any long stretch...but I do want to explore my personal feelings and opinions on each topic thoroughly in how each topic relates to me. This is my journey, this is my weightloss, this is my great life adventure.

I'm going to own this one.

Eggs out.
xx

Sunday, August 7, 2011

An Actually Acceptable August Account

Today I did my August weigh in today and am actually more impressed with the results than I thought I would be. I try not to compare my weight to what it was until weigh in day..it's somehow that much more spectacular that way. I went from 209.0 to 199.4. I've rewarded myself amply with thrift store finds, kettlebells, scales, and etc. Really I've just been spending money haphazardly and have racked up more credit card debt on this vacation than I ever really thought I would (or wanted to). HOWEVER, I am feeling very well rewarded for all of my hard work with the vacation and the time away from Virginia life. It's been an incredible experience and has served to inspire me to keep going with my weightloss.

In an earlier blog post, dated April 13, 2011 and titled, Putting Your Weight On Project Status I detailed my calf measurements, which I don't keep on a regular month-to-month basis. On December 5th, 2010 my calf measured 21.5" in circumference. On April 13, 2011 my calf measured 17.5". Today, August 7, 2011 my calf measured in at 16.5". It's great to see the differences in a non-standard measurements taken over larger chunks of time. I also realized I've lost 7.5" overall this month which is just as fun to realize even if it's a shorter-term realization.

To celebrate my awesome month I had my monthly pig-out session: a fishcake, a small handful of McDonald's fries (maybe 12 fries?), a slice of pizza (with the cheese peeled off), 2 rootbeer gummy bottle sweets, one-third of a Crunchie bar, a whole-grain raspbery muffin, a small piece of McCain frozen cake and a can of diet coke. I ended up feeling dreadful so I fixed myself a delicious plate of tofu, egg whites, vegetables and sundried tomatoes. Feeling a bit better. I decided to have a day of indulgence rather than a week of indulgence and get right back in the saddle tomorrow. My goal for this time next month is going to be 192 pounds (for a total loss of 7.4 pounds). Why do I indulge though, I wonder? The food doesn't even taste as good as my regular fresh and healthy fare.

On the aforementioned blog post I mentioned I wanted to see 199 pounds by June 8th. I didn't make 199 until August 8th but I can feel proud that every month since I started my journey I've lost weight; more some months than others, but almost always a loss! I do have one exception but as I recall the only month I gained was only on my journey for two months. Still wet behind the ears, and the gain was only one single pound so I tend to not count it. I'm convinced I can do this now - A measly 64.4 pounds left to go, if I only loose 8 pounds a month (2 pounds per week) then I'll be goal weight by April 2012. Can I do it?

Hoping you are all well on your way to great health!

Eggs out
xx 






Friday, August 5, 2011

So Long and Farewell 18

Today was a rather interesting day. I had always hoped, but never really dared dream, that I'd go into a plus size store (size 14+) and be told, "We're sorry, we don't have a size smaller." I've heard lots of, "Sorry, it doesn't come larger" but never the opposite! A magical day for me indeed. I bought a pair of jeans, size 16! I haven't been a size 16 since elementary school. I remember in 7th grade that I'd outgrown all my pants and I had to tie the jeans open in front with string from the button over to the button-hole to add inches and would have to wear longer shirts and sweaters accordingly. I must have really looked a hot mess, because I know I certainly felt a hot mess.

The jeans were a triumph, I only bought one pair because I'm sure I won't be in a 16 for too long. I bought a Hello Kitty t-shirt in a standard size L because...it's Hello Kitty. More doesn't need to be said as it'd just be silly to explain the obvious greatness of everyone's favourite Sanrio kitty. I picked up a pair of capri-length black leggings in a standard size XL and my life is pretty much just be constantly reconciling with looking at jeans, holding them up, thinking they're too small, trying them on, and poof - they fit. I still feel so much bigger than I am, I wonder if that will ever change?

Now for the poopy part of all of this: My weight keeps climbing (201.8 this morning). I've eliminated diet as a cause, so hopefully I'll see some improvement there. I'm going to try to get out for a nice walk tomorrow so hopefully that'll jump start things. I've taken some supplements, and finally: I've realized I've been seriously undereating and under-hydrating lately. Remembering to eat and drink is such a pain, but I know if I don't stuff my face I won't loose weight. So back to face stuffing! I ate a few pounds of boiled/steamed/panfried in water vegetables today and probably a pound of fresh fruit. If I don't loose weight at this point I guess it simply isn't meant to be. I started the month at 209, and as long as I get 8 pounds weight lost (2 pounds per week) I can accept that.

I was discussing my upcoming weigh-in with Robert, and I mentioned to him that I was worried about not hitting 199. After thinking about it I realized that everything is fitting better, I'm in smaller sizes, so maybe I haven't lost pounds so much as I have lost inches? One can hope and dream at least...I like to measure myself without looking at my old measurements and then compare. Keeps me from pulling to hard to make sure I didn't gain ;) Keeps things legit. I hope to see at least 3"-5" lost this past month because I feel like I've earned the better part of that. Weigh-in day feels almost like Doomsday...impending doom filled with doom, doom and more doom!

Ah well. It's hard to feel doomed when I get told in a plus-sized shop that they don't carry what I'm looking for. It's great to be eyed up, head to toe, and handed the smallest size they carry with a, 'Well..you can try it? We don't have anything smaller' (Addition-Elle sales associate). So long Fat-Clothes...I'll miss you in some ways, but am otherwise quite ready to be rid of you.

Formerly yours, futurely my own and never again a US size 18;
Eggs. xx

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Last Minute Anxiety

On the New Dawn III - Sporting an overly large jacket!
Weigh-in is in four days and my weight is going up. I don't know entirely what to do about it other than bust my ass. I don't feel well though, which makes doing anything at all that much more difficult. We went deep sea fishing today and the boat ride out was fun, and the latter half of the boat ride in as well, but the entire time the boat was stopped was spent with me clutching onto a bucket and voiding my stomach. It was not pretty. The seas were high and the swells were intense. I lost my breakfast, although I'm not sad about it since I made horrible choices for an easy breakfast.

Lunch was a little better, two bowls of vegetarian stew and two mixed green salads with three onion rings. Although the food itself wasn't horrible I must note that the sheer amount of hidden salt is killing me. Like, actually killing me. I feel positively rotten. My whole body rhythm is off and I'm feeling discouraged and overwhelmed because weigh-in is so soon.

My original goal was to have seen 199 on the scale by weigh in, and I did that. I guess my goal is accomplished but what I'd really like is to get a 199 for my weigh-in number. I think I can do it! 201.8 this morning, which means I have to loose 2.8 pounds. I can do this. I've pulled bigger numbers in shorter periods of time. If I can pull a 199 that means I'll have lost a solid 10 pounds this month for 2.5lb/wk which is pretty respectable for diet alone.

Breathe deep. I know once I settle back into a regular routine in Virginia that everything will improve for me. I am ready to be home...my time here has been thrilling at wonderful in Nova Scotia but I am ready to be in my own environment where I control the housework, and my children have their own spaces and act less like little bum-heads. It's astounding what stress does to your body and how thoroughly it thrashes your weight-loss efforts.

A good night's rest is in order tonight, with that said: Eggs out.
xx

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Large And In Charge

Me and my Mother's doggy-poos!
I'm large. Yes, I said it and YES, I'm proud of it! I started my weightloss journey in a women's sized 28W. I'm now wearing 14's and 16's which correspond to women's sizes L/XL. I bought a new jacket to celebrate, because it was just pure gorgeousness and sitting there on the rack making doe-eyes at me. I don't need to shop at plus size shops anymore. Period. Ever. Never, ever, ever again will I shop plus size!

I was in a local shop and I found myself gravitating toward the plus size section until I realized, "Waiiiit...that's not for me!" and it felt really good. Then, later in the car my mom mentioned that I hadn't been that size since 6th grade as she had a snowsuit (that she admitted to still using) that was an old one of mine that was a size XL. It blows my mind.

I am more committed to losing weight than I have ever been to anything else I've chosen to do in my life. I have stuck with it, and I have made it work out of free choice. I control this, I control my destiny in this, it's 100% me. It's an amazing feeling to know I can only thank myself for my successes or damn myself for my failures. No one else has a hand in this.

I'm watching Biggest Loser Australia to help me keep focused and on track wtih my weight loss and diet. I'm 5 days out from official weigh in day which falls on Monday, August 8th this month and I'l like to see 199.0 or anything in the 198's to make it my first official weigh in solidly under 200 pounds. For the past three days I've been stuck in a weight loss plateau of 200.8 pounds and I know it's because I've chosen to eat things that aren't necessarily healthy for me (some gluten, a lot of oil and fat etc.) So - back on track! I uncovered an exercise bike in my mother's downstairs basement and plan to use that this evening for at least 20 minutes. Perhaps whilst watching more Biggest Loser?
Completely un-posed picture of myself at rafting location.
In the slightly longer-term I need to start thinking about which gym to join upon my return to Virginia. I have really two options: Chinn Center (pool, full strength, full cardio, personal training available for purchase, sauna, whirpool, classes, all the bells and whistles with ability to add on the rest of the family) for about $60/mo, or World Gym (strength, cardio, free childcare) for $15 per month. World Gym is definitely more affordable, but which would work better for me? I need to really hash this out and have a general idea by the time I get back to VA so that one day without a gym doesn't turn into one week without a gym..and then a month, and then many months, and then a year &etc. I left Curves at the expiry of my year-long membership obligation because I was only going once a month for weigh-in's only. I couldn't motivate to go any longer, so I'm hoping to carry on with something a little closer to home.

That's all for today's update - Time to rest a bit as I'm going out for FOUR HOURS of deep-sea fishing tomorrow with my Mother and the Frog. I'm going to be wiped, even though I won't be doing too much of anything...early night tonight for me!
Eggs out.
xx

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Mindful Eating

Mindful eating has been one of the most difficult things I've had to master. I was poking around my general eating habits and have noticed that my 10% of "other" (that's the regular stage of E2L) is probably 50% sugar, 40% fish/seafood, and 10% oil. I've found that by being a mindful eater and taking time to explore my diet, my choices, and the reasons behind the cravings and habits I carry with food that I've ultimately become someone that also mindfully lives. I find myself able to be more empathic, more understanding and more organized. Introspection and personal realization come much easier.

I've been succesful at deconstructing my diet. For a long time my diet was controlling me, my weight had spiralled into insanity-land and so now that I have been able to deconstruct it I have found I can also rebuild it within healthy confines. I've found that that directly translates to my ability to deconstruct certain aspects of my non-weight loss life as well. I think owning my weight loss has been just as healthy for me emotionally and mentally as it has physically. It's true that all aspects of our psyche are interconnected, in my opinion. If we're unhealthy physically we may be unhealthy mentally or emotionally. If we're unhealthy mentally we might be unhealthy physically, &etc...It's been a wonderful adventure of self-discovery for me. I found the above image on Google and I find that it perfectly explains how I feel about mindful eating and how it changes everything else. My cog of mindful eating is working properly now, and turning the cog of mindful living properly in turn so that everything is really coming together for me. 200.8lbs this morning - not too shabby.

I did something yesterday that is part exciting, part scary~! I signed up for the Zombie 5k, "Run For Your Lives" discussed a few months ago in my blog. I am looking forward to building a compilation of healthy activities and things I've done much like blogger Ben from Ben Does Life has done. He has a records section that outlines all the things he's participated in and I think I'd like to start doing that. So far I did the Relay For Life for the American Cancer Society and raised over $500.00. That was a first step. Soon I'll add the zombie run to that list - I wonder if I'll be able to go 5k without getting zombified...probably not ;) I'm thankful that friends Ally and Mike, as well as my lovely hubby will be participating along with me. I'd say I'd take lots of photos but I doubt there will be photo ops whilst I'm running for my life and trying to avoid getting my brains eaten.
 
I wonder....do Zombies mindfully eat? Do they mindfully live? Probably not...not unless living for tasty minds is considered mindfully living ;)
 
Eggs out
xx