This morning I was 206.8 on the scale which is good, but I realized as but good as I'm doing for my health losing weight I'm undoing right now by smoking. I'm not normally a smoker, I had quit for a long time but I didn't realized how stressed I was getting up here with two kids all by myself. I think I was in denial about it for a long time but I'm starting to be 'done' with doing all the child minding on my own and that stress is starting to take a toll.
So I bought my second pack of smokes today and this will be my last pack. I need to just stop - I know that. So that's the next thing on my 'list of things to tackle for my health. I don't think I'm addicted actively, but whenever I get really stressed out I tend to want to smoke. I think being able to have the cigarette and have that break is somehow seen as beneficial. But I know it isn't.
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| 5-Bean and Chili soup made 7/13/2011 |
Today we spent the day at the mall (my son and I) and I ate a yummy Subway salad (no cheese, no dressing, just veg!) for lunch. My stomach is starting to rebel against me but I can't understand what I've done to make that happen. While I was out I bought some pilates tension elastic exercise things so hopefully I can get a bit of a work out occuring at home. On that note I'm nervous that I'm underperforming, I'm just not doing enough, I'm falling behind. Bethan and I are going a "Biggest Loser" style weigh in on Sundays where we'll calculate the percentage of weight lost and will have a little healthy competition with that. I know I honestly have no hope of holding a candle to her success since she's just starting and her first few weigh ins will be epic because she's losing all the water she has retained eating salt etc....BUT...I still wanna do my best.
So. Time to get on healthy activity and get OFF unhealthy smoking. That is my goal and introspection for the day. Last pack, last day not doing some form of exercise. My poor body will start hating me if I don't.
Eggs out.
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