The Ups and Downs of Changing Body Image

I know I posted awhile ago about loving my body, even with the damage gaining so much weight had originally done to it - but I must say it is so hard to keep that attitude going. There are parts of me that I love, and other parts of me that I love much less. My inner thighs, my stomach, my underarms..all of it is quite disheartening at times. I know I'm working to improve myself though, and so that keeps me going!

Tonight I took a photo of my bicep and forearm development to show my mother, and this is a part of me that I just love. It makes me feel good about myself - the muscle definition is like a badge of honor.

I'm going to leave tonight on that thought, and think a little more on it for another blog post on another day.

Eggs out
xx

December's Weigh-In - Slow and Steady

Today marks the day of my official weigh-in, and the day of Robert's first official weigh-in! I was super excited to do this month's weigh-in because Robert has been doing his own thing to lose weight. He's joined me at Gold's Gym and we work out together a few times a week. I'm pretty serious about training these days, even though I'm still nursing that injured ligament. I hit the stairs at the gym last night, and then did quite a few different machines. Even though this weigh-in isn't as drastic as I've become accustomed to, I think I just need to get it in my head that it's going to take really concerted efforts to pull big numbers from here on in.

It's hard to believe I only have 43 pounds to go!

So as far as the 'meat and potatoes' of the weigh-in goes, I have to say I'm not unhappy with it. I know I've worked hard, and I know I've kept my diet clean. A few weeks ago I was having some serious struggles with my diet and the psychological issues surrounding food, but I think I've started to get some things sorted out. I never want to get to a point where food controls me. I never want to get to a point where I have to control food. It's going to take time and effort to get everything where I want it, but I can manage.

 

Inches lost were respectable enough, I suppose. 2.75" overall, nothing at all like my 7.5"+'s that I've been getting. I know the more I work out the larger my muscles might become. For example, my calf is up a quarter inch. I'm not too worried about it though, since I know that I'm moving in a positive direction. I'm really close to breaking that plateau where building muscle will (hopefully) smash through and out-perform the weight loss I had doing cardio and diet only. And, even though I'm not losing oodles of weight I am fitting my clothes much better. Things are loose, even though my weight isn't changing drastically, and that is exciting!

My goal for January's weigh in is 171.Xlbs. That should put me at 165 for the cruise. That's 7 pounds this month and 6 pounds the next. Losing weight is getting so much harder, I'm a little nervous about this goal. I normally set goals, and just believe that I'll make it. This time I'm setting the goal and just hoping.

At 300 pounds I could drop 10 pounds and that'd be 3.3% of my body weight. Now that I'm down to 178.0 pounds, losing 6 pounds is all it takes to hit that same percentage. That's four pounds less. I know it's all simple math, however it's that much harder to hit 6 pounds at 178, than it was to hit 6 pounds at 300. Phew!

Robert's numbers are extremely awesome! His neck between last month and this (well, technically 3 weeks) hasn't changed, he's lost an inch off of his chest, 3.5 inches off of his waist, 2.5 inches off of his abs,  his right thigh has stayed the same, he's lost a half inch off his right arm, his right calf has stayed the same, his hips are down 0.75 inches and he's down 2.6lbs (but he's packed on the muscle!) His BMI is down by 0.5, and his body fat is down by 0.7%.  All awesomely exciting things!

Well I'm going to just keep chugging along. 171.X by January 8, 2012. Happy New Year to me (I hope!)

Eggs out
xx

One Day I'll Be Free

I saw a picture of myself on Facebook today, an old post from Christmas 2007, and I felt my eyes sting with tears. The emotion I saw looking at myself, a picture of me at my heaviest (330lbs+) and I almost broke down.

That skirt, a part of the suit I had to wear at work, could now easily be used to cover the whole of my body if I needed a blanket. My heart just feels so heavy. I can't believe I let that happen to myself. I made it happen.

There's going to be a lot of recovery needed for me after this. I think I got into a happy head space where I forgot everything that had been, and was focused solely on everything that is to come. Reminders of this ugly past...they don't sit well.

I am still nursing an injured right knee ligament, but I hit the gym pretty hard today. No serious complication with the knee, so hopefully I can hit it even harder tomorrow.

Every weight lifted, every mile ran, every calorie burned, and every drop of sweat is just one more thing to carry me away from all that I was. All that I hated.

One day I will be free.

Eggs out.
xx

Crusader of the Lost Art - A Personal Reflection

You don't reckon that George-Lucas will have a problem with the highly apparent thiefing of the title of such an amazing film, do you? I hope not, because I am starting to put on my crusader gear and it fits really nicely.

I really think that when I hit my goal weight I'm going to want to take nutrition classes, get some kind of certification under my belt, and then think about becoming a physical trainer. Who knows if I'll just be tired of it all when my goal weight rolls around, but I love what I do right now and I have loved it since I started.

I love how my friends drop me an email to let me know how proud of themselves they are with completing a physical activity. I love how people take the time to share the great new changes they've made in their diets. I love that I'm asked for tips and hints on making diet and exercise more efficient. I'm not a professional, and I don't think myself anywhere near one, but I do love sharing everything that I've learned and everything I know that works as it relates to me.

I love the way we can all share our common interests and experiences. It makes me feel so interconnected when people share this with me. It makes me feel as if I'm part of that social group with common likes and interests that I missed out on in high school and of course, college. It took me so long to find the real me, the 'me' that I had buried under pounds of fat and misery.

Well I've found a goodly portion of myself now, and I'm happy to say that she's here to stay.

I'm not sure people realize how hard this entire transformation has been on me emotionally. There is a lot of pressure and expectation I have to live up to every single day. A lot of it is self-imposed, but a lot of it is imposed by others without them even realizing it. So many people think I'll fail or rebound eventually. So many people are un-supportive of my efforts. Some people are condescending of my choices. So many people are offended when I won't bend my stances on things that I have proven work for *me*. I have an obligation, as part of the new me, to be kind and understanding to those people and to continue proving them wrong.

There isn't a choice. I need to continue peak performance. I need to continue showing positive movement. At times I feel like I'm playing a game of 'me against the world'. Perhaps it's part of my competitive nature, and perhaps it is that part of me that will make me finish this whole journey successfully. I don't know what it is, I just know I must succeed and I know that being under the gun every day for a year and a half is exhausting.

I extend amazing amounts of personal strength, physically and emotionally, to keep the wheels of this big machine going. I don't mention this to talk myself 'up' as it were, I simply want to make sure the friends that read this understand. Sometimes I can't understand things, sometimes I'm not on the ball of what is happening, and even though I love my friends I need to carve out a nice big hole in my time to make sure I love me too. I love me by making me healthy and stomping out the negative voices I hear around me every day. Sometimes giving my 100% best to getting healthy, means that I'm not always my 100% best in other areas of my life. I hope you'll all understand and forgive me if I've let you down, knowingly or unknowingly.

I've taken friends to the gym with me, and talked to them on the phone about fitness, exchanged emails and ideas online. I love it...so if anyone wants to continue that open dialogue with me I'm always here for that! It strengthens me and keeps me going. A serious kudos to several friends for being able to keep up with me and/or with their personal goals lately, both at the gym and at home. Your strength is inspiring, as always!

Eggs out
xx

Happy Birthday To Me.

Beautiful Hello - Blog Entry"I'm still reeling from the fact I'm only 14.2 pounds away (currently 214.2lbs) from being in the 100's. If I lose 6.6lbs per month, for the rest of the months until November I'll hit my 180 goal at the same time as my birthday. I'm really thinking that this is a healthy and reasonable goal to set for myself, and so? NEW GOAL: 180lbs by my 27th birthday." - June 8, 2011

Picture Dated: 11/22/2011. Wahey!

Dear blogging world: I made it! I was worried because there was a point a week ago where I was 5.4 pounds away from my goal. On top of packing on muscle (you should see my calves and quads!) I've been struggling with an on-going two week long plateau. My body decided it didn't like working out (or it did, but got stubborn anyway) and then when I kept going it finally relented. "Fine," said my body, "If we MUST."

I have to say, I am loving my new muscles. The more muscle I have the higher my BMR is. That essentially translates to "Do nothing, burn more! YAY!" I know that's probably not the intended purpose of building muscle, but it's a wonderful added perk. Anything to enable further laziness, right?

Today is also fantastic because it marks the day I've officially lost 150 pounds, overall. I think the enormity of what I've accomplished so far hasn't hit me. I doubt it ever will hit me. I get glimpses of my feats when I look at old pictures of myself, but nothing has ever truly smack me in the face and made me realize precisely what I've done...I know whatever it is, it's great though because I feel so much better.

I guess this is all for today! Special lunch at home with my wonderful husband (whom has also started up working out with me at the gym. It's great having a work out buddy that is also my S.O. I love seeing him investing in his own health and well-being.)

Eggs out
xx

November Official Weigh-In - Strange Numbers

I've been trying this 'new'-ish concept for the past two weeks: I've been keeping a record of my BMR, calculating calories and figuring out daily deficiencies. I must say - I hate it. It's no wonder so many calorie counting dieters eventually just give up and go back to old habits. Any way of eating that requires this much thought and effort is just mentally exhausting. Always needing a piece of paper nearby lest one forget to jot down the three skittles they snarfed from their two year old. It's a little extreme...in my opinion.

I'm going to finish it off for the month, but a week out from my birthday I'm going to get back on E2L detox and hit that hard in conjunction with the gym. I'm confused by this month's weigh-in...I thought since my weight wasn't dropping drastically that I'd have at least lost a ton of inches..but that didn't happen either. Not only did I barely lose any inches, I barely lost any weight - and that's with physical training three times a week and at least an hour of cardio per night, six times a week. Really, body? You hate exercise that much? I call conspiracy on this one. :)

Can't wait to see where I end up on November 22. 180.X is still my goal, which means I have 4 more pounds to lose. Totally do-able if I can lose 2 pounds per week. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed now though, so close to my deadline. Unfortunately this isn't something I'm willing to bend on, and so...it must be done, one way or the other.

I'm a trooper. I don't give up. I don't let myself down. I will succeed.

Eggs out.

xx

We'll Go Dreamin'

Less flub, more muscle :D

I remember so many thoughts I had when I started my journey. At first, I honestly didn't think anything would come of it. I lost a bit of weight, 30 pounds - big whoop when you have 200 overall to get rid of. I remember thinking, resignedly, that I'd probably do it for a few months and then give up. This makes me realize in the power of dreams...they're only just dreams until we make them come true for ourelves. I stopped waiting on someone else to put in the hard work and effort for me. I stopped waiting for a miracle drug, diet or surgery. I stopped being okay with letting a drug, diet or surgery do that hard work for me. I accepted responsibility for my actions - it was one of the most grown-up things I've ever done.

Post Work-Out

It hasn't been easy - always requesting special food for family events, gatherings and at restaraunts. Taking time away from home and family to work out and strengthen myself. To realize I'm worth taking time for. It's all been worth it though, because I'm in a better place now than I have ever been since sixth grade. My birthday is only two weeks and two days away and looking back fifteen years has been hard for me. All the missed opportunities, all of the missed dreams, all of the depression and all of the sadness. I don't miss it at all.

Thinking I might take a break from the gym tonight. I've had two weeks of solid exercise training and activity every single day. Time for a bit of R&R and back on the saddle first thing tomorrow! Training with Nana has been great and I'm passing on all that I learn with Nana to my husband. We trained hard for an hour last night and I got a really good sweat up just showing hubby how to do all that I've been doing. I love it. Zombie 5k was the started of our activity together...I just hope it isn't the end :)

Eggs out
xx

I've been struggling with a lot of guilt lately. After getting up early, heading to work (while sick) and coming home after a long day of dealing with other people's problems my husband grabs the kids from my Sister-in-law's house (she babysits), comes home, feeds the kids, does homework/reading with them, bathes them and puts them to bed.
For the first half of the night I'm at work, which is productive. For the second half? I'm spending five times more than I earn (just my income) getting P.T at the gym and pushing myself to the most extreme of my limits. I have so much guilt about taking time away from the family but this is something that I *must* do. Not only must I do it, but it makes me happy. Carving time away from my children, my house, my husband is a dual edged sword and that dual edged sword is full of guilt, sadness, happiness and accomplishment. I know all good things worth having come at a cost.

Robert assures me it's okay I'm doing what I must do. That it's okay I am carving out an hour or two a day for me. It's just such a foreign idea. Being invested in myself, knowing I'm worth enough to take time away from family to improve upon myself. It's just...bah. Must get used to this idea. I'm making positive changes in myself. These are all very good things. Time to breathe deep and just accept it's okay to take time for me. Erk.

The other half of this entry is my weight loss goal in three weeks. I have no idea what to do about that. 180 might be over-reaching. Not because I couldn't make the goal, but because I'm packing on so much muscle and packing in so much protein (to keep feeding those muscles). I might simply just have to be happy with being smaller looking and healthier on my birthday, rather than being a specific goal weight. I still have in the back of the mind that I might be able to hit 180 by my birthday. If I keep up with the healthy foods and making sure my calories:exercise ratio don't get so dangerously close as they have been I might just make it. I need to think out a goal for my birthday, something I'm happy with. Maybe after my official weigh in next Tuesday I can set an inches-going or something of that ilk. My inches are going down, but my weight is being stubborn.

I took a before PT picture (that I posed a few entries ago) that I can't wait to compare to a post-PT workout. I really wanted to get measurements but I can't find my tape! I'll need to go to a store and grab another one. My butt is looking really good from all that stair-stepping :D

We'll just see how this goes!

Eggs out.
xx

Somewhere Between The Rock, Tree And Stream

On The Zombie Race Course

I've been in such a unique and somewhat lonely headspace the past few weeks. I sit here and I look at all that I am, and all that I do. Sometimes I find myself wondering why I am so lacking. Last night I stayed up until midnight talking with my husband about my headspace. I explained that I wanted to know where I was, to be able to sit and say "this is where I am, this is what I want." Where I am and what I was is so abstract right now and I'm constantly interrupted whenever I start making any headway.

I explained to him that I want to draw him a map to where I am, so he can be with me during this part of my journey (weight loss related, and otherwise.) I explained that as soon as I start drawing a map - figuring out the relation of the tree to the rock to the stream, so that I know how to prepare my map some big thing crashes through the woods and makes me run a few miles in another direction. As soon as I start plotting out where I am in that new place in the woods I get forced away again. I want to know. I want to understand.

I've been hurt so recently by some situations that I'm still recovering from. Through all of this introspection spoken aloud to my husband I also came to terms (with someone other than myself) of why I had "fallen off the wagon" for two months a while back. I was turning into someone I didn't want to be in this journey. I was starting to believe I knew and understood everything, when I knew nad understood only what related to me. My ego was becoming pompous, probably to compensate for feelings of worthlessness after being hurt, and  I hated that. I stamped my ego out subconsciously by punishing myself in a roundabout way by taking away the one thing from myself that has defined me so far: My weight loss journey.

I took it away, or rather my subconscious did. I stopped working, I became uninspired, I had totally lost my muse for advancement. After weeks of begging the question "Why?" I realized what my usbonscious was trying to do. I chose to let my subconscious take the reigns as she's never led me astray before. I followed her lead, I withdrew and I hermited. I took time to heal my emotional wounds and turned them into weather-ready scars. I took time to think and reflect on what I was becoming and turned away from it. I was becoming exceedingly judgemental, and I hated myself for it. I hated myself for it before I even actively realized I was doing it and that is why I started pulling back. I was becoming miserable because I was conflicted. I'm so thankful my subconcious me has my back because I'd be lost without her. She's my guiding light, the little whispers that force me back on track when I've fallen from the path I choose to walk. :)

I got some photos back from the Zombie 5k obstacle run. They're just the free little proofs they email out to see if you'd like to purchase larger prints. Unfortunately it's not in the budget right now but I do remember back fondly to that race. Something I noticed about every picture? I'm smiling. I'm glowing a happy and enthusiastic energy. I'm pushing myself so hard, to outlast and outwit the zombies. To outlast my own physical capabilities. I look fabulous in every picture because I can see the happiness just dripping off of me in every single picture. That race made my heart sing. Every single cell in my body was singing a joyful, beautiful tune. That is what makes me happy. Exercising, pushing, going harder than I ever thought I could because I must, because I choose to, going to my limit just to see how much sweat I can make fly. This brings me bliss. It brings me happiness in every sense of the word.

I have found what makes me happy. I'm going to go there.

Eggs out
xx

I Fought The Law And The...Law Won

(L): 199.4 lbs / (R): 187.0 lbs

Hehe. I did fight the law and his name was Nana. He pushed me really hard today, but my arms/shoulders/thighs and abs are going to be ripped at the end of this, I can just feel it. After an hour of training with Nana I hit the gym again a few hours later to get another hour of cardio in. I managed to run off 300 calories, snowshoe off 100 calories, and then bike it out for 64 calories. It was actually a pretty awesome evening.



After finishing at Gold's I jogged over to the Bloom. It was closed but I made it the whole way without getting winded. What a change one single week of hardcore and focused physical activity can do.

The evening itself was broken up after my PT session due to a "Monster Bash" at my daughter's school. It was fun, pizza/juice/chips, pumpkin painting and dancing. It was nice to get out and it seems like she had a blast.

I love working out. I see the soul of a gym rat being cultivated within me. I'm so happy at the gym, and I love sweating it out, and I love the immediate accomplishments of finishing a specific work out. I love the long term accomplishments that come with weight loss and inch loss.

I'm happy. Tired, sore, and HAPPY. Happiness...that's what life is all about.

Eggs out

xx

Physical Trainer: Which of us shall kick the butt of the other?

My old work pants, size 26W. Used to be too small on me!

Right now I'm hiding under a pile of blankets and pillows, fighting off a pretty substantial chill. I had a hard work out at the gym tonight: 35 minutes on the stair stepper (110 flights climbed) 323.1 calories burned. 30 minutes of hard cycling (great cardio) 199 calories burned. Brisk walk (with hubby when I got home) for 0.8 miles and 49 calories burned. That's a total of 571.1 calories burned.

I kicked ass. Just saying.

The 35 minutes on the stairstepper did attempt to kick me back though. I've learned that I go good for the first 20 minutes on levels 5/6, but the last 15 minutes just become entirely laborious. Having something to focus on would be nice, since climbing stairs is exceedingly boring, but I have nothing to keep my eyes on. The televisions at the gym are close-captioned and I don't see well which means I can't read them. My music is awesome, but the tempo is much too fast for effective stair climbing. A television should I could watch would be awesome, but I don't have anything that streams video or whatever. I don't know what to do..just suck it up and bust it out, probably!

All of me in one leg of my old size 26W pants.

I started with my first day at the physical trainer today. His name is Nana and he is from Ghana. I hope we get an awesome working relationship together and he pushes me in all the ways I'm hoping to be pushed. I'm going to take a morning weight tomorrow, along with a set of PT starting measurements, so I can compare Pre-PT me to Post-PT me. I'm really excited to see how the rather large cash investment for PT will pay off. This whole physical trainer thing is so...awesome. I'm so blessed my husband and I were able to swing this. That with everything going on my husband realizes how important this is to me, for both now and my future. I am going to grab tight onto my dreams and realize the heck out of them

Only 52 pounds to go until goal.

Eggs out

xx

Five to Blast Off

Hopped on the scale this morning and saw 185.0. That's pretty exciting as that means there is only 5 pounds to go until I've hit my second major weight-loss goal. The first weight-loss goal being the celebration surrounding losing 100 pounds.

It's hard to believe I was even this weight in sixth grade. I have the confidence and strength to carry it off now, but in sixth grade? I never had a chance. I had no actual idea of what I needed to do to keep my weight in check. It never registered. Junk food was part of the 'norm'. I'm sad for the younger me but I'll do right by her now. I have the time and the opportunity to make it okay.

I have a series of 14 sessions with a personal trainer coming up. I reckon if I go twice per week that'll give me seven weeks of hardcore training plotted out. I was asked what my goals were, and I really had to think about it. My goal isn't just to lose weight anymore. I want to be able to run 5k's and only be winded, rather than wishing for death. I want to be able to run 10k's. I want to be able to cycle and jog and swim. So I decided my goals were as following: 1) Build muscle, 2) Lose weight, 3) Improve cardiovascular endurance. I'm going to make updates about how I see improvement in one of those three areas in all upcoming blog entries. I've been working out every night this week and here is what I've noticed so far: (Improve Cardiovascular): Day one I was only able to cycle on level 1 for 20 minutes. Last night I was able to cycle on level 3 for 20 minutes. Woo!

That's all for this morning!

Eggs out

xx

A Gold Medal Within Reach



I'm not ready for the pictu-*Click!*

Tonight after work at the Chiropractic office, I poddled over to the Gold's Gym which is beside my office. A free all-inclusive gym membership is an amazing work benefit; how much luckier can a girl trying to lose weight get?! So I walked in prepared to hit up the BodyJam class at 7:30pm. I was psyched, I was ready, I was HORRIBLY UNPREPARED. I am clearly not coordinated enough to be able to dance to any choreography. The class is an hour long and I did my very best for 45 minutes. I kept mis-stepping and always ended up back-asswards from the rest of the class. After a 45 minute solid and true effort I decided what was best for me would be to leave the class and bust it out on some machines.

I didn't quit - I just readjusted my focus. At first I thought perhaps I was a big stinky quitter, but I picked myself up by my bootstraps and hopped onto a stair-climbing style elliptical. I wasn't getting what I went to the gym for in that choreographed aerobics/dance class so it makes perfect sense I left and went after what I went there for. After I worked out on that I hopped onto a bicycle and put myself into the "Fat Burn" mode and busted my booty on that for ten minutes. I then drove home, and poked my husband into a short half-mile run. We had set a timer to see how fast we could do it (he was sick so he petered out half way) and by the time I got back the timer had done something weird and stopped working. I never got a time...but I'm going to by a stop watch for the future. I'm excited to really get out and get race training for the Zombie 5k next year and perhaps a few more events between here and there as well.

I was so discouraged the first time I ran on our at-home elliptical for the first time since being back from Canada. I had lost so much of my conditioning and my muscles were nowhere near as strong and toned as they had been. I want back what I had 35 pounds ago - I could run with so much ease. Now it burns when I run. I know my lung infection didn't help, but ultimately I know my conditioning has gone down the toilet and I'm going to get it back!

I was thinking of going to the Latin Dance class at Gold's but I think I'll just hit the gym tomorrow and skip the dance class. I'm simply not coordinated enough to do choreographed fitness. I am going to do the yoga class on Thursday and see how I do with that. I am very excited to try the RPM bike class and the Fit Row class at Gold's because those are "head down, focus, bust it out' types of fitness. I do much better at stuff that doesn't require fancy steps and am looking forward to seeing how far I can take my fitness.

That's all for tonight folks!

Eggs out
xx

Zombie 5k Ain't Got Nothin' On Me!

Red-faced and exhausted after a successful 5k!

WE COMPLETED THE COURSE. It was hard, to be true...so much waiting and strategy required. Finding groups to take on the zombie horde with, ducking and diving. It took us over 3 hours to get to the site because the traffic was so backed up to get TO the event, we were 1.5 hours late for our wave (no fault of our own). They pushed back all the waves, we came - we ran - we conquered. I drank my first beer in ages. Well. Half a beer anyway, while waiting for our times to post. I know our times would have been faster if we didn't need time to stop, amass groups, and devise strategy!

Rockin' Hubby's Old Sweats

We survived though, brains intact. Robert and I both made the choices necessary to survive. We swam through cold 5' high river water for approximately 400 feet, we climbed 50* incline hills that were all mud, we ran through mazes, army crawled through tunnels, we climbed huge net-rope apparatuses, a climbing wall made of 2x4 planks you couldn't get a grip on and had to slide toward enemies waiting on the other side, and took on zombies trying to steal our health tags (we only got three to start with) the whole way. Hubby's old Salvation Army volunteering appreciation shirt and old jogging pants made for excellent race day attire...that is until I jumped in the freezing cold water and almost lost them - TWICE!

We won. This was a relationship building experience. THIS WAS AWESOME. Awesome. We could not have done this without my sister and brother in law, HUGE THANK YOU to them. Can't wait to see if we can do it WITH them next year. Hopefully we'll plan better! :D

My first 5k guys. My husband was there: Picking me up out of the mud when I fell, calling Zombie's attentions away from me as I went for it to clear him a free space to run. I was there for him taking every obstacle first, making sure I was zombie bait for him. We were shields for eachother's backs. We were unstoppable.

Such a high from this whole experience! Can't wait to do it again next year! From the race management website: "Elite Race Management is proud to be the official timer of the 2011 Run For Your Lives Zombie 5k!  Runners will navigate a series of 12 obstacles throughout a 5K course in an attempt to reach the finish line — all while avoiding zombies."

What a day people. What a day. :) We weren't even in the bottom 100, and that's with zero training!

Holly's Time: 1:12:27:7
Holly's Overall Ranking: 6867/7030
Robert's Time: 1:12:28:4
Robert:s Overall Ranking: 6868/7030

Small Moments Worth Celebrating

I was thinking of all the "Small Moments" of my weight loss today on the drive home from Wal-Mart. I had to go to Wal-Mart to get another set of scrubs for work - in a size medium! I must say they fit much better than the size large's I'm in right now, but I digress; Small Moments are the center stage right now.

Small Moments are times I think back on and smile over. Small Moments are what keep me going. Small Moments are the things I miss when I decide to 'take a break'. Small Moments are the moments that add up, one by one, until they've become a Big Moment in the form of yet another 50lbs lost, or another inch-loss goal achieved.

Small Moments like: Having the man at the carving stand at a local restaraunt we frequent telling me, "You're doing really well! You look good!". Having to get a second set of work scrubs only six weeks after starting. Remembering once when I was at Curves willing myself to see a 199 on the scale and working my rear-end off with the 199 in mind. Empathizing with the contestants on Biggest Loser when they first start their journeys and sharing their joy at the end of the journey. Catching notice of my collar bones in a mirror or a photograph and grinning. Forgetting something upstairs once I've made it to the bottom and smiling because I have a reason to run the stairs once more. Shopping for bras and firmly NOT missing the old days of a 48DDD. Zipping up a size 14 with some room to spare. Being told, "unfortunately you might not find your size here" at a plus-size clothing store. Getting hand-me-down's from my Sister-in-law that are already too big for me by the time I get them home. Realizing all my underpants are too big. Dancing and actively noticing that my fat is less wobbly than usual. Bracing myself and seeing a tricep muscle flex and bulge on the back of my arm and thinking "hello!" to it in my head. Actively not giving a crap of what other think of my body when swiming/working out/being healthy. Trying on, or picking out clothes, and still thinking I'm considerably larger than I actually am. Being afraid of a challenge (Zombie 5k!) but knowing that I'll do my damndest and not give up before it has even started. Doing the math and realizing I've lost SEVENTY FIVE (75!) inches overall since I started recorded my inches in July 2010! And the biggest deal: Trusting myself.

These "Small Moments" are how I define my success...without them I'd be lost. Finding the simple joys for a big project in every day life are what keeps it real to me, keeps it applicable, keeps it worth continuing to do.

Small moments are worth celebrating.

Eggs out.
xx

T - 180!

I saw the 180's on the scale this morning! Granted it was barely within the 180's (189.6 lbs), but considering I haven't honestly been in the 180's since sixth grade I'm beside myself with excitement and accomplishment. I feel so positively bouncy and this is GREAT! I have almost exactly one month left to hit my goal weight of 180 (or less hopefully) and I am feeling very confident that I just might be able to pull this one out of my hat.

I have a list of things I'm itching to get my hands into, a list of things I'm excited about. One of the top things is getting my act together and getting started at Gold's Gym. I can't wait to try out some of their classes. Another thing I'm looking forward to is swing dance classes with my husband. I'm just so thankful I've been able to make it this far, and happier still that I will be able to keep going.

I don't have the same kind of excitement about losing weight as I had before - It's different, a little less 'new' but it's still there. I am just so excited to see where I'll be when all is said and done.

Eggs out.

Back on Track

Size 16 dress in garnet.

My husband and I spent Saturday day at a lovely wedding for a pair of lovely friends. In case you haven't guessed: It was lovely! It was wonderful to be able to go out and see this long-awaited union become official. My husband and I ended up helping a lot with the set up of the catering, keeping food stocked up, and bringing drinks out. I can only imagine the calories I burned and I honestly love being able to look at things I'm doing and say: That was awesome. I just burned calories. For a long while I stopped being able to look at situations with that kind of perspective and I'm just thankful I've finally got it back. On the menu were a lot of fresh, locally sourced vegetables, large grilled portabello mushrooms and some meat options. Knowing I'd be going into a weekend of food not on E2L and planning to just enjoy myself I made a few choices I might not make on a regular basis. I ate some delicious spinach and artichoke dip on naan bread, I sampled some macaroni and cheese, and added some balsamic glaze to the tasty grilled veg. The night before, on Friday, they had their rehearsal dinner at a rather fancy-pants country club. My entree was absolutely delicious and I'm thankful that the country club was able to accomodate my special order for a vegan entree. The entire dining experience was absolutely decadent: A spinach and roasted pear salad with raspberry dressing to start, the main vegan entree was a delicate angel hair pasta and roasted vegetable dish, and dessert was a rich chocolate silk cake with chocolate ganache on top with white chocolate drizzle. I chose not to eat my piece of cake and instead gave that to the Groom since he was eyeing it up.

Saturday evening we spent at the house of friends that babysat our children during the Saturday event. There was a lot of conversations and quite a few branches off the main idea of the conversation that lead me to do an awful lot of thinking. I'm still not able to place into solid words/context exactly where I am with everything that came up. I have a lot more introspective searching to do. I know this is pretty vague for right now but there's only so much I'm comfortable putting up on a blog. There are a lot of decisions and choices I've made that might have been complicating things for me. I know I am impressively strong and tenacious at many things in my life, but some things I need to think about possibly approaching differently.

It has been a wonderful weekend. My weight has gone up slightly due to all the salt in the food I ate, but I figure getting back on E2L 100% will take care of that within a week. Back on the horse!

Eggs out.

An Ooky Spooky October Weigh-In

I've had to pull a complete 360 with my motivation, my attitude, my physical activity, my everything. I had to get into a better mindset, I had to find a level of commitment I had forgotten that I had. Then again, maybe I never forgot..I always knew it was there I just forgot how deeply I had buried it.

I don't know if I'm ready for physical activity again - I started the other night but my neck has been screaming at me. I'm doing something to it, something wrong, and the other night I checked my blind spot whilst driving and rotated/popped my neck that caused this awful pain right under my shoulder blade. I need to be happy with starting slow because ramping it up is just causing more damage. I can do this...I just need to learn some patience with myself. I always want to be the best. I always need to be my best. Puts me in a sticky situation from time to time!

Well today's weigh in is surprisingly not at all disappointing. I went from a bad month in September to a more-than-awesome month in October. During the last week of September I had a really bad illness, some bout of vertigo that caused an inability to move (let alone eat!) and constant dizziness/heaving meant if I did eat I'd often loose it on a simple trip standing up and racing to the bathroom. It was an unpleasant time for me but my symptoms are now completely healed! It's really night and day. I went from the worst case of vertigo my chiropractor had ever seen to perfectly fine after only a week and handful of days. I do heal freakishly fast - go me, I guess :)

Anyway, to the left are the results we've all been waiting for! I'm down 7.2lbs and 7.0" overall. I lost a ton off my abdomen, likely bloating reduction because I've cut out salt etc. I'm going to a friend's rehearsal dinner tonight  and her wedding tomorrow, and so I will be most certainly eating of things not on the diet. When I decided to get back on E2L when I did I knew that this would be an eventuality so I'm going to go and enjoy myself and hope I don't get too far set back. A good day today!

Running Woes

I made a goal to run for 20 minutes tonight. I started out okay, at the old resistance I used to use (resistance 6). I did that for a few minutes and then started sucking air like it was going out of style. I did my 20 minutes because I said I would, but I did it at 1/3 the resistance for the second half of the 20 minutes that I used to. I used to whip about a res 6 for 20 minutes and barely even notice it. Now I'm being murdered by a res 2 for 20 minutes. My conditioning is so far gone. I have six and a half weeks before my Complete 180, I have two and a half weeks before my first 5k/obstacle race (I will not perform well at the race, but I WILL finish. I'm determined! :) )

For weeks I've been struggling and trying to cope with being inactive. I've been trying to force my head back into the 'game'. I've been fighting against myself completely non-stop. I've been making grand-schemes for things I'd like to do and things I'd like to see happening...but in the end, nothing matters if you don't get started. Although I had my negative fitness shown to me today I did the most important thing of all: I got back on the bandwagon. I started. That's half the battle, right?! So excited to get back on track. Weigh-in in 4 days. I'd like to, if possible, pull a number in the 180's. I'll settle for a nice low 190's though.

Let's see what tomorrow brings, shall we?

A very tired and excited Eggs out.

Craply Noms - Inspired To Find My "More"

Brown rice pasta with soy milk white sauce. Mm!

I've been eating kind of crap-ly lately. I mean, it's not crap in general but is crap compared to how I ate for a year and a half. The random positive side is that I have managed to drop quite a bit of weight compared to last month's weigh-in. Yesterday was cheesy (vegan cheese, no dairy) potatoes, two eggs over-easy with more potatoes to dip in them, a huge veggie stir-fry (asparagus, tomato, onion, green pepper, zuchinni, yum!) and pan fried tofu in cooking spray. It was delicious.

I was looking into trying the paleo diet to mix things up, but after doing some reading I realized it simply *couldn't* work for me. Not only do I not eat meat, but I believe any diet that cuts out beans is not for me. I need my fiber and protein from somewhere and there are only so many nuts I can eat in a day. I've been wanting to mix it up though, but there are only certain food approaches I consider to be reasonable. See below:

1) I don't do slim fast, or medifast, or anything that requires you to eat in an unnatural/liquid/bar-food only to loose weight. I feel as soon as one eats normal food again they fluff back up. Seen it happen far too often. I also refuse any weight loss surgery - I personally do not believe they are healthy choices for me.
2) So far the only lifestyle diets I see that seem 'legit' are Eat to Live, with the Paleo diet in second. My research reveals far too much meat in Paleo for a vegetarian/selective vegan, with an elimination of the food groups that actually kind of sustain me. That and I believe beans are an amazing super food so cutting them out seems absurd to my brain.
3) I hate counting. I hate measuring. Weight Watchers etc is far too work for me (I'm really exceedingly lazy and I need to eat a LOT and constantly - I always eat more than the calories I'm supposed to when I am exercising. I also believe calorie restriction is bunk).

I'll probably end up going right back to E2L honestly. It's the perfect fit for me, my habits and my lifestyle. I've just been feeling all woe betide with it since I'd been doing it for a year and a half. I wanna eat tasty things too! Which I guess I can have on E2L at 10% of my daily consumption but, with that said, sometimes we wanna have fat days where we eat nothing but garbage :D Yum yum garbage [/oinks]. However, the fact I've only lost 3.8 pounds this last month is kind of my clue-in to get something back on track now that I'm less icky after the accident. To Gold's -Yay for free gym memberships through my employment.

In my Size L work scrubs :)

This month is a month of crazyness: My first 5k is on October 22. I have a friends wedding/rehersal dinner/etc coming up, house refinance will close, Allstate insurance claim will go through, plumbing is broke in the downstairs, family is busy with Robert covering for two of his employees, Elysia starting ballet, Halloween is coming up ~ Phew, whirlwind.

It's okay though. All is improving. I need to hit my Complete 180 by my birthday (November 22) or I'm an epic failure that can't stick to her goals. That means I have to lose another 13.6 pounds(ish) in 6.5 weeks. Detox time. I can't afford to set goals and not meet them..that's the first step down the hell-spiral of doom.

Alright. Back on track today. Short-term goals: See how I start going to Gold's, and run on the elliptical at least once per night for 20 minutes. I've been feeling so physically sick lately with the foods I've been choosing to eat and it has me feeling sluggish and 'sugared out'. It's not a good head space to be in, constantly gratifying with fast calories and quick energy. I need to re-educate my body into eating for health, not emotional happiness.

The bandwagon screams for me!
Eggs Out.

The Good; The Bad; The Ugly: September Weigh-in.

I've lost my motivation. I've lost my momentum. I've got a thousand and one excuses, but no idea how on earth to get myself into the military mindset of no excuse being good enough. There are a lot of things I can't do because of my neck right now, but I wonder how much I CAN do? I'm feeling overwhelmed and depressed, so much so that I'm just one big sighing heap of resigned acceptance right now. I've never resignedly accepted anything in my life before and I know the stress of this auto accident is getting to me. I've been talking for the past three or four entries on how necessary it is to get back on track, to get excited again - but the spark went out. I need to work on getting it back because I'm so unhappy. My unhappiness has proven itself in this month's weigh-in.

People have been all, "Well at least you lost and didn't gain!"...you know what that is? That's worse than a consolation prize. That's being happy with getting kicked in the face by my own foot. That's accepting that I didn't do all I could do and being okay with that. Why in all hell would anyone ever be happy with not doing all they knew they could do? It makes me angry at those that say that, because I'm angry at myself. I'm so angry that I let myself down, and I'm angry that sometimes I want to believe that "it's okay". I have nothing more to say.

To blow the dust off of this thing...

New work uniform - Yes. Fuschia scrubs. <3

I've been really struggling lately with everything. As of this morning I've only lost 1.8 pounds all month. That will make this the second-worst weigh in I'll ever have had. Second, of course, to that one month I gained a single pound - the second month of my recorded journey. Goodness me. I'm disappointed in myself.

I wrote all of these big promises and goals in my last entry here, but the pain and stiffness I'm experiencing after the car accident has just gotten progressively worse. It's to the point know where I can't properly work out because it sends shooting pain down my neck into what feels like is up under my shoulder blades. I'm just so disappointed, I MUST be exercising in order to lose weight at this stage in the game. Hopefully the chiropractor can put this broken body back together again so I can get on with my life.

Size 12 pants: Buttoned up!

I'm giving myself some time to heal though. I can't afford to worsen the injury and then be out of commission for even longer. I have a 180 deadline that I MUST meet no later than my birthday otherwise..otherwise I'll have completely let myself down. This accident makes me angry.

I need to get back on track. I keep saying that, but it's true. And I will. I will. Next post I'll try to do a little food whoring, and get some of my recipes 'out there' since a lot of people have been inquiring about how we manage to keep gluten/dairy/salt/meat/oil free vegan cooking tasting good and looking original. I've been taking pictures, so keep an eye out for them! And, to wrap it all up: A HUGE CONGRATS to my honey, Robert, for having lost 11 pounds on E2L in exactly 2 weeks. And, as an aside: darn men and their ability to lose weight so fast. Grar! :)

Getting Activity Back In The Limelight

Limelight: Makes you pucker!

I'm trying to get activity back into the forefront of my life; I want movement and exercise to take back the reigns of my weight loss since it's my diet that has been carrying the responsibility for results for the past three months. I went to a few different websites today to explore the options that were out there for setting goals for myself. The last blog update left me kind of wondering how many goals I had that needed reconfiguring and I felt there were enough things lacking overall that it was worth spending time today to get my priorities straight.

I'm actually feeling less confident about all of my goals and commitments right now that I have felt in previous months. I feel like I've let myself down a little bit this past week being home (even being on E2L 10%). It's a little overwhelming to also consider just how I'm going to get myself back in the saddle when it feels like I've dug myself into a bit of a hole with my fitness. However I've had some GREAT news: I got the job and will be working part-time ad a Chiropractor's office. It'll be wonderful for my psyche to get out and do 'adult things' again, but one of the benefits is a free gym membership and free chiropractic treatments to keep me running at my best. How much more perfect for my life could this be? I'm thrilled and because of my thrillingness I will surely give my 110% best to the practice. So, I guess all that there is left to do is to present the day's findings as relating to the above-mentioned priorities and rewards system.

1. Lose Weight: I'm currently 198 pounds and have a goal to be 135 by June 8, 2012. I understand this is pushed back two months from my original goal but I feel this is a little more reasonable with life getting busier and obligations abounding.
2. Start the Couch to 5k program. I'll be doing C25K three times a week to train for the Zombie 5k. This is a double goal because getting active at least three times per week is another goal so this all rolls into one.
3. Take my multivitamin daily. I fail so hard at this and hope to get on top of it. I'm going to create a chart for myself on the fridge and will checkmark the days I do it instead of being a donut and forgetting.
4. Run 100 miles by June 8, 2012.
5. Drink 8 glasses of water per day. I'm always under-hydrated and this will help keep my innards all optimally functioning.
6. Do 1 week at LA Boxing. Got a coupon to try it for free so I plan to do just that.
7. Schedule 1-2 days of rest per week and stick to them.
8. Identify one health goal. I chose making the 1 mile run to my Sister-in-law's house without needing to stop due to exhaustion/being winded my goal.
9. Choose 1 new activity to try out each month.
10. Establish final weight goals and clothing goals. 135 or 125? Need to choose soon.
11. Set a rewards chart and stick to it to help keep the budget under wraps.
12. E2L10% - Feel good about what I'm eating and blog out what I'm doing 'wrong' when I don't feel good about my choices. Plot out and identify patterns surrounding poor choices.
13. Set a monthly weigh-in goals to be reconfigured each month as appropriate. Make a general goal-line to stick to. DONE

So, there are the goals! I went over them with Robert time and time again to make sure they were feasible and that I was setting myself up for success without being too easy on myself. I think I achieved a really healthy balance right there. So on to charts!

Weight Chart
September 8, 2011: 195 pounds at weigh in (down 2.4 from current)
October 8, 2011: 188 pounds (down 7 from previous)
November 8, 2011: 180 pounds (down 8 from previous)
December 8, 2011: 174.0 pounds (down 6 from previous)
January 8, 2012: 167.0 pounds (down 7 from previous)
February 8, 2012: 160.0 pounds (down 7 from previous)
March 8, 2012: 153.0 pounds (down 7 from previous)
April 8, 2012: 147.0 pounds (down 6 from previous)
May 8, 2012: 141.0 pounds (down 6 from previous)
June 8, 2012: 135 pounds (down 6 from previous) GOAL

Rewards Chart
October (for hitting 190 pounds): Sign up for one additional class offered at the gym. Do Zombie 5k.
November (for hitting 180 pounds): Complete 180 Celebration
December (no ten-set goal): Christmas time - Asking for a bicycle and helmet
January (for hitting 170 pounds): Professional Massage
February (for hitting 160 pounds): Cruise with the family
March (for hitting 150 pounds): 1 month of personal training (1-2x/wk)
April (no ten-set goal): No goal reached during this month. Budget a baby carrier for the bike?
May (for hitting 140 pounds): Get my "M" (Motorcycle) class on my license
June (for hitting 135 pounds - GOAL): Blog Book printed

I really think that a healthy rewards system is vital to doing well. I understand that most of my rewards are also all things that will continue to contribute to a healthy and active lifestyle but I think that is the way it should be.

As the last addition to today's entry I shall include and EPIC shout out to my husband for his weightloss so far: 7 pounds and counting! You can follow him at A Personal Oreography, feel free to offer him encouragement and support...we all need it.

Hope everyone is mulling over their own goals and doing well by themselves today!
Eggs out.

I'm An Inspiration, I've saved Someone's Life.

Me throughout the stages

I've realized that I'm an inspiration, and that yes I have saved someone's life. There was a girl that I used to know that desperately needed help getting on the right track. She told me she tried everything humanly possible to loose weight. She told me she didn't have any health problems she knew about yet but knew they'd likely be coming down the line. She confessed her unhappiness about her body image and how she hated the way she felt constantly exchanging her clothes for the 'next size up'.

That person I saved was me. It's so easy to forget the good things we do for ourselves, often categorizing it as something we must do, or something we 'just do', rather than something we choose to do. Everything I've done so far I've chosen to do for myself and my health. I've been my own hero in all of this and it makes me proud to know I was able to actually step out of the situation I put myself in and see what needed changing. I'm now in the 190's and considering I started in the 330's...it's almost more than I can really process at times.

Exterior damage - Getting the quote tomorrow

I take many blog posts to stop and think about everything that everyone else has done for me. Now I'm taking a moment to realize all that I've chosen to do for me. I've chosen this. What a powerful piece of knowledge that is. Today I was in a car accident - a hit and run. My back is stiff and I'm feeling stressed after a day of insurance and police reports. Hopefully a few days of rest will find me well and mended so I can get back into a regular exercise routine. I've also applied for a job that would be perfect for me, and one of the benefits is a gym membership - how handy would that be?

Sometimes things happen outside of our control, car accidents and stress, but all we can do is keep trucking forward and not let those things get the better of us. I think the attitude I've chosen today will serve me well in the long-run even though I'd really just throw a tantrum, kick my feet and pout.

Eggs out
xx

Something More [004/020]

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." Harvey Fierstein.
When I think of "something more" I think of this quote. It's such an inherently powerful quote that inspires me in so many ways to keep doing what I know is right, to keep scaling the tallest walls and achieving for the sake of knowledge and growth, rather than to impress how wonderful I am upon others. I've learned a lot about myself, many of these things seem utterly contradictory to my weight loss so I think it's important I share them here!

I'm not a planner. I go wherever the wind blows, and I follow the rabbit down the rabbit hole without looking back. I see the beauty in the smallest of things, I feel empathy for unintended pains, I feel small beside the ocean and I feel at home resting my forehead against a tree covered in moss. Sometimes I like to pretend that I can imagine the thoughts of an animal just by giving them a cuddle and staring into their eyes. I like dancing with ribbons and tambourines, I like singing really loudly even though I have the voice of a saw on wood, and I love to love with everything I have. I give because I am so rich inside and I attribute my riches and inspiration to my husband, my family, my world, my perspective. I love fast, I feel deeply, I recover from hurt quickly, and I forgive almost immediately. 

This is my 'something more' in life. Giving myself to others, without doing it at the expense of "self" is what I'm all about. I love sharing ideas and passions. I love educating others and being educated in turn. I love having my horizons widened and internal wells filled to bursting with information and facts that I can sift through and develop opinions on. I love being in love, I love being passionate and I love sharing those feelings with others.

I know that sounds very 'hippy-esque" (or so I've been told) but it is what drives me and makes me happy. I learned that by getting myself on a healthy track of fitness, good food and weight loss that I was suddenly able to break the cage of fat that I had buried myself in and start giving of myself in all the ways I wanted to without fear of rejection, restriction or ramifications.  There is always something more important than giving up: If you're considering giving up at a job, at weight loss, at school it's easy enough to get everything back in perspective when you think of that 'something more': Your family, your children (or future children), your financial security, your life in the future. 

Find your something more. Find what makes you happy and go there, it's never a direct and straight path to what makes you happy but life is made up of the bumps along the way. It's how we handle the bumps that impact who we are as people. When it relates to weight loss I might say: Yes maybe you shouldn't have eaten that, but forgive yourself quickly and take the next challenge with your 'something more' in mind. Never give up, because life eats quitters for breakfast.

Interview for a job I'd love to have today! I hope I get it. Getting out and continuing to be me outside of the home once again would be utterly brilliant. I hope you are all having inspired and 'something more' kinds of days!

Eggs out.

Apples to Oranges [003/020]

Sharing is what humans are meant to do, so I don't understand it when some people covet their hobbies, activities or choices. Perhaps it is selfishly driven? Either way I'm happy to welcome my husband back to the fold of healthy living and eating and am so thrilled for him that he is already seeing results. He wants to lose 64 pounds to get to his goal weight of 156 and I want to lose 64 pounds to get to my goal weight of 135. We have the same amount to lose so we've teamed up to become weight loss buddies! It is very exciting for me.

He made a decision to be on E2L and detox a full six weeks. I know he won't slip in any mistakes since I'll be the one doing the cooking, but I hope his determination and dedication carry him 100% to the point where he learns he could do it - even without me in his corner. It took me months to be brave enough to know I could do it on my own without feeling deprived or unsupported. He's doing well..I'm proud of him and I've found my affection toward him raising now that he's making choices I'm proud of and proud to support.

So let's see now: Ways to work out without hitting a gym is today's post. I've found a lot of ways to work out without hitting a gym, and I must say the most effective one is bringing gym equipment into my home. An eliptical can be used two ways (arms, and legs/cardio seperately) but isn't always affordable. I definitely advise checking out bargain hunting newspapers, or classified ads. A lot of people love offloading their fitness supplies for next-to-nothing to gain back space. If you have no money for fitness supplies (or space to house it) you can get a full body work out with cardio and strength training with nothing but the stuff you can find in your own home. It's actually pretty amazing!

• Tinned food: Cans and tubs of food in equal sizes on both sizes can be used to strengthen and tone. Try 200 reps of curls, lifts, or extensions with a big can of baked beans and tell me you don't feel the burn. Toning is achieved with multiple repetative low-weight movements. Cans are great for that.
• Gallon-jugs of water: You can work your entire core with one gallon of water. Swing it like a kettle bell with hip-pops, use it for obliques by controlledly twisting yourself from side-to-side whilst holding it, use it for leg-squats, or work on your endurance by simply holding it above your head for as long as you possibly can.
• Pillows: Have someone hold a pillow for you and punch it as hard and as fast as you can for as long as you can. Great way to get your heart rate up, and get it up quickly. You don't need to be a boxer, or have any rhythm or form at all. Just punch like a maniac and see the magic happen!
• Chairs: Can be used as supports for pushups, situps, stretching, strength training - the list goes on forever.
• Couch: Whilst watching tv do mini sit-ups and put a small effort of thought into isolating your stomach muscles themselves to pull you up rather than relying on momentum. It looks a bit like you're rocking but anything done repetatively for the duration of a 30 minute television show will give a workout!
• Office chair: If you have a spinny-chair that has wheels and can swivel from side to side try putting your forearms flat on your desk and use your obliques (abdomincal muscles on either side of your torso) to force your body to twist back and forth. I lost something like 3" off my waist one month doing this while watching Korean historical dramas on the computer.
• Beds: If your bed can handle it, it is great cardio to jump up and down and the springs just make it fun. If your bed can't handle it, just jump up and down on the floor a lot. Great cardio and your heart rate will get into a good fat-burning zone.
• Floors: Situps, pushups, tagging pushups (if you have a buddy), planks. You name it, it can be done in some variation on the floor.
• Yoga: Can be done at home with no supplies at all. By exercising exact control over your muscles and holding poses for long periods of time you can get a great work out in.
• Walking/Jogging/Running/Cycling: If you have a bicycle, or a pair of sneakers, get outside and go. Walking is great for your health and burns a good amount of calories. If you have children you can take them along with you and teach them all about a healthy lifestyle simply by having them see you doing something good for yourself!

I'm sure there is a lot out there that I'm not immediately recalling but this short-list of things I do, or have done personally, to help me keep my inches in check and to get my heart rate into the prime-zone for fat loss! And, as an aside I checked my body fat percentage yesterday and registered in at 37.8%. In June I was at 39.3% so in those two months I've managed to lose 1.5%. Although 0.75% per month isn't the greatest ever it certaily isn't too shabby either!

I'm content with where I am, but really need to get exercise back into my life as a regular part of my daily routine. Exercise isn't always easy, and unless I've already started it or am 'in the mood' it can be rather trying at times. I'm going to get some walking in, some eliptical running, some strength training and perhaps a bit of training on the Wii Fit to mix things up and keep things fun.

Eggs out!
xx

Blogging Up a Q&A

I recently put the call out to friends and family to send me any questions they might have about my weightloss journey. The reason why was simple: Other people think of things and ask questions that I might never think to ask of myself! My blog serves as a daily journal of sorts, and I really wanted to get a few things recorded in here. So without further ado:

1. What part of your body are you most pleased with the change of and why?The part of my body that I am most pleased with the change in is actually a tie between my neck/collarbone area and my thighs. My neck used to always look so huge and fat, my face looked swollen sometimes. Now I have a collarbone and I really love the look of it - and yes I'm aware that probably sounds silly...but the collarbone has been nice to see. I'm really happy with the change in my thighs. They used to be everything one can imagine from a morbidly obese person's thighs: Wobbly, jiggly, blobby and not good. I often felt as though I had two honey hams hanging out in my trousers. I hate my thighs very much and now they are much better. The toning and overall weightloss has done wonders for them!
2. What is the single most important thing to your successI'd consider my discovery of Eat to Live to be the single most important contributing factor to my success. I'd consider my readiness and willingness to change to be the most important baseline factor. Without the willingness I'd not have started, and without Eat to Live I never would have learned how to actually nourish myself and develop a healthy relationship with food.
3. Do you feel like you will be satisfied once you reach your goal or that you'll want more?I have recently been thinking about my goal weight of 135 lbs. I keep looking at BMI charts and comparing my figure to the numbers there. I know that BMI is not entirely reliable, but I've decided to make it to 135 lbs and then see if I might prefer how I'd look at 125 lbs (or a number between 125 and 135) better. My goal is 135 lbs, but where I go after that will depend on how I look and how I feel - I'm open to change.
4. What foods do you wish, to the point of feeling you are depriving yourself, you could eat? I'm not just asking about unhealthy choices, but any food.
   I actually think this question is rather telling. Most people assume that in order to lose weight one must deny themselves and cut out entire food groups. The truth of the matter is that I cut out everything non-vegan for 6 weeks, and now that I'm done the 6 weeks I have whatever I want! I don't eat meat as a moral/personal choice  and I don't eat dairy due to intolerance so that's not something I miss too terribly. So...ultimately my answer is: Nothing! I eat whatever I want.
5. Do you not choose foods based on their ingredients / manufacturing processes? IE if you were not in America would those foods / dishes be OK to eat
   I tend to choose foods that are organic (preferred), non-refined (preferred), not full of preservatives (preferred), gluten and dairy free and as close to natural/raw as possible. I tend to not eat things with aspartame and such rubbish in, and will make other choices where I can. Sometimes though I just want an artificially sweetened big-arse cup of diet coke and don't care.  8/10 times I'll eliminate something as a valid choice if it's crap. The other 2 times it's open season.
6. What do you miss most about not living a healthy life style?Not a damn thing. I was fat, bloated, unhealthy, feeling depressed and poorly. I could only shop at plus sized stores, I was miserable, I was withdrawn, I couldn't run, I had asthma, everything was bad. The only solace I had was eating a box of chicken nuggets if I wanted to - killing myself and making all my problems worse. Nothing. I miss nothing. I don't know how anyone could.
7. Is the physical change the best thing you've gained or the sense of accomplishment?The sense of accomplishment is the best thing in that I feel I can do anything. No, I KNOW I can do anything. The sky is my limit because I was strong enough to take my life back!
8. What is the hardest part of living in a non-healthy family - Both from before and now?The hardest thing is knowing what dreadful crap is in the food you're eating but still finding yourself unable to stop. Knowing that you're choosing to feed it to your children, knowing you're setting them up for failure. Knowing you're poisoning your husband just as fast as you're poisoning yourself. That's the hardest part of living in a non-healthy family. After that? Sometimes there is a lack of support. Sometimes I have to cook two meals. The result has been an overall healthier approach to everything about life though so we don't really do 'unhealthy' anymore!
9. What are five things you'd like to accomplish or experience between now and your goal weight?Sky diving, rock climbing, half-day kayaking, hiking a very difficult trail, and skiing.
10. What made you choose the goal weight you did?It was the upper-end of the weight for my BMI. I figured my bone structure is a little thicker than most so a higher weight within healthy confines would be the best choice for me. I'll refigure my weight if I get to goal and decide I'm still feeling too big or too small!
11. What's your favorite meal that you've discovered on this journey."Crap in a pot" is my favourite meal and I eat it about twice a day. It's tofu, peppers, greens, onions, carrots, tomato, potato, whatever I have on hand thrown into a skillet and warmed. It's really quick, tasty and takes no time at all to prepare.
12. Do you eat any junk food? Or is it all off limits? If not, how do you stop from indulging?!I eat junk food semi-regularly, nothing is offlimits. I just make the best choices I can, when I can. I know the calories in that kind of food and although an occasional treat (once a week, if I care to?) is fine...I also know the work it takes to get rid of it. I keep from indulging by knowing that junk food is essentially poison. A little bite from a venemous snake might not kill you but if you get bit straight on the vein and sit there while it does its thing you will surely die. That's how I feel about junk food. I never deny myself anything - ever. That is the path to failure...but I keep a healthy respect for junk food as much as any hiker would keep a healthy respect for snakes and scorpions lurking in the grass.
13. What keeps you motivated to continue?I've come this far and I know I'm worth it. My health is worth it. My children are worth it. Doing anything less and I'm robbing myself blind....I've earned it. That's what keeps me going.
14. Do the stretch marks get better?They fade with time but they never go away. They never get better. What has been done will not be undone. A stretch mark is your skin torn past the point of ability to stretch, scars are left in the wake. The only way to get rid of them permanently is to get surgery in my opinion....but I wear mine like battle scars. I'm proud of every one <3

Ive been doing a lot of growing at the same time I've been doing a lot of shrinking! :)

Eggs out
xx